Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: A+ | 8 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys, Triumphant!

When Ghastly Shut Up Daddy yanked The Actual Demon from its host, said host dropped unconscious to the ground, in the process releasing his hold on The Fucking Colt, and you can see where this is going, right? Right. The Actual Demon eventually throws off Ghastly Shut Up Daddy and plows back into the host body, rising to its feet just in time for Dean to squeeze the trigger on The Fucking Colt, and we're treated to another CGI sequence in which we shoot backwards, in slow motion, through The Fucking Colt's barrel right in front of The Last Magical Bullet That Can Kill Anything Except When It Can't itself, and in a rather anticlimactic end to the series's overarching storyline to date, The Last Magical Bullet That Can Kill Anything Except When It Can't actually works, and after a few gurgling noises and zappy-sounding "special" "effects," Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance keels over, both itself and its host now dead. That was dull. "I agree! He should have exploded! With gouts of blood spraying everywhere and positively dizzying amounts of GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! dripping from trees and headstones and Our Intrepid Heroes' faces!" I hate that you can be so sensible sometimes. "I'll take that as a compliment!"

Once The Ceiling Demon's so boringly gone, in quick succession Zombie Sam drops from the tree, Bobby and Ellen slam shut the gates to Hell, the gates to Hell clangily relock themselves, and in what I'm certain would be a very touching moment had this entire BORING episode not hardened what's left of my heart into a tiny little bitter lump of solid lead, Shut Up Daddy -- who remains silent throughout -- gifts his sons with approving glances right before erupting with an inner golden light that flares out to envelop his buzzing and blinking form until he finally shorts out of this plane of existence and into whichever one's waiting for him on the other side, thus becoming Daddy Shut Up once again, and for all eternity I hope, and then the soundtrack gets overrun by some "uplifting" Dreamworks-style Behold The Wonderment Of Childhood Fulfilled CRAP as Dean and Sam weep at each other like the teeny-tiny chick-flick girly-boy pussies they truly are until the METAL TEETH CHOMP! finally -- FINALLY -- puts an end to all of this sentimental TRASH by slicing through its jugular and letting bleed to death all over the last commercial break of the season.

God, that SUCKED.

Teeny-Tiny Dreamworks-Style Chick-Flick Pussy-Boy Saccharine Hell Overload Aftermath. As Raoul and I struggle to emerge from the diabetic comas that last sequence hurled us into, Zombie Sam and El Deano toddle over to the corpse of the human host that had been inhabited by The Ceiling Demon during this season. "Well, check that off the to-do list," Dean shakily smirks. Zombie Sam, agape with the barely believing and such, breathes, "You did it!" "I didn't do it alone," The Winchester Clan's Pathetic Self-Loathing Self-Destructive Sacrificial Lamb humbly bleats. They ruminate on Daddy Shut Up's current unknowable disposition for a moment before allowing their minds to be blown by what they've just accomplished. "Our whole lives," Zombie Sam whispers, "everything has been prepping for this, and now? All I want are BRAAAAAAINS." Or maybe he simply can't think of anything appropriate to say. Bloodied and filthy El Deano can think of something to say, but as that something's so dreadfully stupid, we'll be skipping past it to...

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Supernatural

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