And no sooner has The Ginormous Revenant arrived at that realization than we join G.I. Jake as he approaches one of the aforementioned Colt-built Fucking Rail Lines in a rented car. He disembarks, clad in a set of civvies, and warily ambles up to The Fucking Tracks. Just as he's been told, apparently, for he barely has time to look around before The Ceiling Demon pops up behind him to confirm Jake's followed his earlier instructions to the letter. And long story short, the upshot of all that follows is this: Because Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance cannot cross The Fucking Colt-Built Rail Lines himself, G.I. Jake must hustle his grunt ass fifteen miles hence to unlock a crypt at the center of the old cowboy cemetery. And whatever shall G.I. Jake use as a key? Why, The Fucking Colt itself, of course! There follows a lengthy conversation in which The Demon also reveals that The Fucking Colt is the only weapon on earth that can kill him dead, which of course leads to a not-so-tense standoff when Jake initially presses the barrel of the thing against The Demon's head, but as the whole point of all that is partly to remind the audience of The Fucking Colt's magical properties -- which they already did in the Crackle, Crackle THE ROAD SO FAR! sequence -- and partly to show G.I. Jake giving into temptation because he is weak and backsliding -- which we already knew because he stuck Darling Sammy like a pig at The Demon's orders -- let's cut ahead to the point where...

...G.I. Jake enters the old cowboy cemetery and picks his way across the unattended graves to the promised crypt. He's about to examine the complicated locking mechanism embedded in the crypt's doors when Zombie Sam unexpectedly calls out, "BRAAAAAAAINS!" Ooops. He actually said, "Howdy, Jake!" which I suppose is meant to be far more disturbing, for the "Howdy, [Person Upon Whom I Am About To Inflict Agonizing Injury And Excruciating Death]!" construction is one previously used only by Meg and her demonic father. Make of that what you will. Jake slowly spins around to find himself surrounded by Zombie Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and Dean, each of whom is aiming a gun at his head. "You were dead!" Jake insists. "I killed you!" "Yeah?" Zombie Sam sneers back. "Well, next time, finish the job." "I did!" Jake exclaims. "I cut clean through your spinal cord, man! You can't be alive -- you can't be." Zombie Sam shoots Dean A Look while Bobby shiftily averts his eyes. "Awwwwwwk-waaaaaard!" shrieks Raoul, temporarily awoken from his COMA OF BOREDOM by this unexpected turn of events. Many are the taunts and the teasings and the threats of death until G.I. Jake focuses his attention on Ellen and, after allowing his eyes to flare yellow for the briefest of instants, suggests, "Hey, lady -- do me a favor and put that gun to your head." Ellen, struggling mightily against the suggestion and clearly freaked by her body's rebellion against her conscious mind, shakes and shudders and eventually complies. "See?" Jake gloats. "That Ava girl was right -- once you give in to it, there's all sorts of new Jedi mind-tricks you can learn." Jake next verbally orders the gentlemen present to disarm themselves, and despite Ellen's brave objections, all three do so. Having thus bought himself a little time, Jake leaps towards the crypt, shoves the barrel of The Fucking Colt into the center of the locking mechanism, and twists hard, sending the two concentric panels in the middle spinning in opposite directions.