…And Then There Were None

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: A
Ten Little Hardy Boys

Out in the corridor, Girl Campbell approaches Our Intrepid Hero and immediately asks, "Is it true?" "Did [Zombie Grandpa]," she continues, "really try to...?" "Kill me?" Dean angrily finishes for her. "Yes," he seethes, adding, "He didn't even blink!" "He didn't tell me anything!" Girl Campbell claims, all wide-eyed with professed innocence and such. "I didn't know!" she insists. "I know," Dean concedes, looking a little sheepish for a moment for having taken his anger out on her. He lets that sink in for a bit, then confesses, "Honestly? There's something I need to tell you." "What?" Girl Campbell prompts. BAM! Dean whips out his trusty pearl-handled automatic and blows a great, gaping hole clean through the middle of Girl Campbell's chest. I'd attempt to rouse Raoul so he might revel in this act of truly wanton and unrepentant violence, but as both of us stopped caring about Girl Campbell approximately three seconds after we met her last September, it's probably best if I just let the dear dizzy thing snooze for a little bit more. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

In any event, as Girl Campbell drops to the floor, the camera scampers back over to record the startled reaction of the others, who race out into the corridor to find exactly one dead Girl Campbell lying on the concrete and no Dreary El Deanos anywhere in sight. And while Bobby and Rufus fruitlessly attempt CPR on Dead Girl Campbell's rapidly cooling corpse, Darling Sammy clenches his robust and manly jaw until he finds himself overwhelmed by this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Cannery. Immediate aftermath. Bobby and Rufus are still pounding away at Dead Girl Campbell's chest, their exertions only serving to force streams of slowly coagulating blood out through her slack lips. Meanwhile, Darling Sammy's elsewhere on the darkened second floor, performing yet another round of flashlight-fu in a frantic attempt to locate his brother, who remains missing. Eventually, Bobby and Rufus realize they've been hammering their fists against a corpse, and Sam returns to find them offering a few words of condolence to Zombie Grandpa, who snaps back something snotty by way of reply, because Zombie Grandpa's an asshole. Sam uncomfortably clears his throat and announces his theory that Dean's been infected with whatever hit Trucker Rick and his colleague earlier in the episode, so Bobby proposes they split up, with Rufus and Zombie Grandpa tossing Dead Girl Campbell into the cannery freezer while he and Sam lock the place down. "We're gonna wanna find Dean before he finds us," Bobby rather needlessly states. Sam, however, takes this as his cue to threaten Zombie Grandpa like so: "We're gonna find him alive, or I'm gonna put a bullet into your head." Oh, Sam. Just shoot the useless motherfucker now. You know you want to. No? Okay, then. We can live with that decision for now, I suppose, but if Zombie Grandpa's brains aren't splattered across the screen in the next five minutes, I'll...well, I won't do much of anything, really, except maybe join Raoul for a nap. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" And what's next?

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