Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Wet The Bed

...the LYING LIARS WHO LIE are presenting themselves as Detectives Plant and Page of the county sheriff's department to the sole surviving Baycon brother, "Kyle," the especially hirsute and conscientious one who dove behind the cinderblock at the top of the hour. "I've been expecting you," Practical Kyle allows from his hospital bed, clearly throwing the boys for a loop. "You are the sketch artists, right?" Kyle prompts, noting their befuddlement. "Absolutely!" Dean immediately covers. "Yeah, that is exactly who my partner is," he continues, pointing at Sam, who flusters and stammers and eventually spins silently away from the lightly scratched-up Kyle to grant Dean a bitchface of epic proportions. Hee. Dean simply wiggles his eyebrows around for a bit before delicately inquiring as to how Kyle managed to escape the beast who flensed his equally rotund brothers. Kyle, of course, hasn't a clue. "I was hiding," he explains with some difficulty, given the horror of the events he's recalling, "and he found me, and was coming right for me and he just...stopped." And we all know why The Big Bad Wolf couldn't slaughter the one little piggy who hid amongst the cinderblocks, yes? Good. Let's keep this moving, then. To maintain their current fa├žade, Darling Sammy whips out a handy pad of paper from his jacket pocket, and starts scribbling away on the thing with a pen as Kyle describes his attacker. Much to the boys' dismay, the gentleman Kyle details is clearly not a motherfucking werewolf, but he did have a Wile E. Coyote tattoo on one of his biceps, so that sort of counts, right? By the way, there's also an entirely unnecessary and anvilicious bit wherein Kyle, tiring of Our Intrepid Heroes' increasingly obnoxious questioning methods, finally breaks down and nearly weeps, "This guy -- he killed my brothers!" He takes a moment to collect himself before staring Darling Sammy dead in the eye and demanding, "How would you feel?" Sam, of course, "can't imagine anything worse," the admission of which elicits a Look Fraught With Significance from Dean, and as I'm now praying for a psychotic killer to rip all three of these assholes apart with brutelike ferocity, let's jump ahead a bit to welcome the arrival of one Doctor Garrison, who's just popped by to check up on the sole remaining slab of Baycon. After the good doctor receives assurances that Kyle is fine, all things considered, Dean beckons Garrison out into the hall for a private chat, and we're forced to endure an aggravating scenelet between Kyle and Sam in which Darling Sammy's forced to surrender the suspect sketch he'd supposedly been working on, and as it's barely more than a grimacing stick figure that should get both of these bozos busted immediately yet doesn't, let's pretend we didn't just sit through all that and join...

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