Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Wet The Bed

...The Frog Prince out on the sunlit sidewalk, where he belches once more before the camera leaps above his head to capture Our Intrepid Heroes as they lankily and bow-leggedly lope, as appropriate, from the hospital while discussing the latest details of the case at hand. Long story short, they know they're not dealing with a motherfucking werewolf, but as neither can imagine a demon halting an attack in the manner Kyle described, they're now at a loss as to which supernatural entity committed the crime. Next!

More of that tinkily fanciful Charmed crap assaults the soundtrack as the camera cuts away to soar over a forest presumably nearby. We eventually dive down through the canopy of trees to find a pair of lost hikers stumbling through the underbrush, and we'll be calling them Hansel and Gretel until told otherwise, which will be never, so there you go. Hansel grouches about the current dearth of granola in their knapsacks while Gretel bitches him out for leading them off the trail. Almost immediately, though, they stagger into a clearing to find a cozy little wood-frame gingerbread cottage, and a grateful Gretel immediately lifts her eyes heavenwards in thanks. As the two wanderers head up the gravel drive to approach the front door, a silver-haired lady clad in a faded housedress and tottering along feebly on a cane emerges onto the porch to dodder amicably enough, "Are you two doing okay?" "EVIL!" shrieks Raoul. Well, duh, you lizardly idiot. We're doing Hansel And Gretel now, so of course she's evil. "My apologies, I'm sure!" Raoul offers. "But as this episode has been dragging so, I thought I'd goose things up a little bit!" Thanks, but we're about to get to a good part, so I'd zip it until then, if I were you. "Okay!" Oh, bless his little heart. Raoul's so agreeable when he knows he's about to get his gore. "Whee!"

So, the secretly wicked granny politely offers to point them in the right direction, but cautions, "I'm afraid it'll take a while to get back -- you're really deep into the woods." Hansel couldn't give a shit, because the starving lad's just noticed the cherry pie cooling on Granny's windowsill, and he pointedly and repeatedly glances over at the tasty pastry until Granny finally takes note and kindly asks if they'd like to come inside to rest for a bit. Gretel voices her reservations, but ravenous Hansel shuts her up with a sotto-voce, "She's a harmless old lady -- what could happen?" "You'll see!" Raoul shrieks, and Raoul! Wait for it! "Hee!" Gretel caves under all the peer pressure, or whatever, and soon the two are crossing the threshold under the smiling eye of the homicidal old lady in the faded housedress.

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