Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C+ | 2 USERS: B
Off With the Hardy Boys' Heads!

Long shot of the boys walking through what looks like a high school or library. You guys, get ready: they're trying to use their brains. Dean: "There's gotta be some sort of proof, right? A local woman that died nasty." Sam: "Yeah, but a legend is widespread, it's hard, I mean there's like fifty versions of what she is." A shot of a sign that says "Central Public Library." By the way, they are totally alone in this library; did they break into it? They agree that the two things the various versions of the legend always include are that her name was Mary and she died in front of a mirror. Sam declares that (wait for it) they have to "search local newspapers" -- YES! -- and "public records, as far back as they go." Dean says that it sounds annoying, but Sam quickly assures him that it won't be, as long as they have -- pause. Shot of computer bank with "Out of Order" signs hung on the screens. Sam: "I take that back. This will be very annoying." Um, not really. While Google is great and all, it usually requires actually getting into a physical archive and looking at actual pieces of paper to find anything that appeared in an old-timey newspaper. The broken computers are sort of nonstarters as far as that kind of "research" is concerned anyway.

Kristin Cavalleri is driving and talking on the phone to, swear to god, another girl that looks just like Kristin Cavalleri. I mean, I too sort of wish I were watching Laguna Beach right now, but it seems kind of unprofessional to have cast your guest stars accordingly. For the sake of clarity, however, we'll continue referring to the first Kristin Cavalleri as KC, and refer to this new girl simply as we've been informed: "Jill." KC tells Jill that the brothers told her they were cops or something. Jill clearly is having a party in her pants, and so squeals, "Whoever they were, they were cute!" KC is all business, though, asking Jill if she thinks possibly something weird happened to Donna's father. Jill intones, "Oooh, maybe he was killed by Bloody Mary!" like, way to have a modicum of respect for your good friend's father's death. Jill lounges on her bed. Her bedroom is art directed in the least convincing way possible as far as "teen girl" bedrooms go; you are asking me to believe a perky, blonde cheerleader type would have a navy-blue-and-white vertical striped bedspread? Jill is clearly a dumb-ass, as she starts to taunt KC about being scared of Bloody Mary. Jill gets up and tells KC that she's "walking to the bathroom right now." She just delivered those lines in the language of porn star. KC tells Jill to quit it, but Jill stares into the mirror and says Bloody Mary three times. Cut back to KC in the car who worries, "Jill? Jill?" but is answered by silence, and then a fake-ass scream and then more silence. And then, of course, giggles. Cut to Jill grinning and telling KC that she's "a freak." I can't wait till this bitch gets her eyes turned into Jell-O-brand snack packs.Some crap-ass "emo" plays as Jill opens the door to her closet. There's a mirror on the inside of the door, and as the door swings slowly open, we know what we're soon going to see. It happens sort of excruciatingly slowly, though, as we first see the reflection of Jill in the closet, then a bookcase behind her, then her bedroom window, then her nightstand, and then as the door continues opening...Horrible Long Black Hair Woman just lurking there. Shudder. That was an earned creep-out and I'm quite satisfied. Jill closes the door and walks over to her vanity in her t-shirt and cute underwear. What? It's cute boy-style underwear! She sort of looks down as she takes off her earrings, and as the camera moves slightly to the right, Horrible Long Black Hair Woman appears in the mirror in front of Jill. Then she appears in another, smaller mirror placed on the desktop of the vanity. Okay, ever heard the thing about too much of a good thing? We're quickly approaching exactly that.

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