Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 11 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Learn Possession Is Nine-Tenths Of The Law

ANY-way, Evil Action Sammy finally stops insulting Jo long enough to realize he's not getting anywhere with that particular line of argument, and so changes tacks, claiming, "I don't want to hurt you, Jo, I'm telling you 'cause I care." And really, that's just another tired old Deangirl strategy, now isn't it? Couching the vitriol in concern for the show? Again: Shut UP, Evil Action Deangirl. Jo, bless her, sees straight through that line of bullshit as well, and coolly offers him a thanks that isn't. "That's real kind of you, Sam." "I mean it," Evil Action Sammy insists, placing his gigantic mitt over her tiny little fist on the bar. "I care about you a lot," he continues, with full Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes treatment. Jo recoils a bit and attempts to pull her hand away, but he tugs her closer. Jo warily glances down at the burn on Sam's arm, finally groks to the fact that it looks much more like a branding than a simple burn, and, hardening her face, warns, "Maybe you should leave." Evil Action Sammy's expression instantly slips from romantically pleading to downright Satanic, but just when we think he's going to assault her, he instead agrees to go, flipping her hand onto the bar and rising to exit the frame. Jo, understandably wigged, involuntarily shudders a bit as she turns her back on him, and that's a very bad move, Jo, for Evil Action Sammy now plunges back into the frame to grab her from behind. He flips her around to face him and quickly subdues her -- because, you know, she's the size of a frigging Kewpie doll next to the guy -- and in true horror movie fashion, he places his massive left paw on her forehead to tilt her terrified face back and towards the camera, so that her hair streams down towards the ground below, while he dives down to nuzzle against her jawline. It's all so very Bride Of Dracula, and I'm loving every second of it, especially the part where Jo craftily latches onto a beer bottle to brain him with the thing while he's far too busy snorfling around on her neck. Alas, his reactions are almost demonically fast, and he snatches at her wrist and slams her arm down so hard on the nearby table, he smashes the bottle to bits. Then things get really uncomfortable when he flips her around again so he's pressing her face first against the bar with his own body. She pleads for him to stop, and just when you think they're actually going to go There, Evil Action Sammy instead grabs her by the hair and thunks her head onto the bar with enough force to knock her out cold. He hoists her unconscious form onto the bar itself and brushes away a few stray strands of her hair as he leans in real close to croon, "It didn't have to be this way." Then he rolls her unresponsive head around on the bar like he's Lennie in Of Mice And Men for a moment before shrugging, "Or maybe it did." Mercifully, the METAL TEETH CHOMP! slices through all of this grossness before he actually hops on top of her and rapes her.

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