Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 11 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Learn Possession Is Nine-Tenths Of The Law

Psych! That wasn't a true METAL TEETH CHOMP! at all! It was instead a totally awesome CHOMP! fake-out! For rather than hurtling into the next commercial break, we instead linger in the blackness for a moment until someone comes a-pounding on the motel room's door. The camera slowly fades up on Dean's rather tantalizing ass as Dean himself suddenly snaps awake, still sprawled across that filthy carpet. He rolls over just as the motel's manager lets himself in with a master key to rather calmly inform the person on the floor that check-out time has come and gone, and Dean will thus be required to pay extra for the room. Dean groggily hauls himself to his feet and trails the manager out into the hallway, where he dumbly goes, "What?" Heh. The manager repeats himself, noting that the room is required for a pair of just-arrived guests. Dean squints, and the camera follows his eyes as they travel across the hall to land upon a gloriously trashy hooker and her mightily abashed businessman client. Hee. And you know what? I'm almost convinced the hooker's a guy. "You can tell by the man hands!" Raoul enthusiastically agrees. Will the awesomeness of this episode never cease to amaze? In any event, Dean discovers it's half past noon, which means he's been out cold for about ten hours. He also discovers, thanks to the helpful manager, that Sam left long before dawn in the Impala. "Son of a bitch!" Dean mutters to himself before shaking his sore head a bit to clear it and demand of the manager, "I need to use your computer." Unfortunately, the manager is rather loudly averse to the idea. Dean takes in the loud aversion with tremendous amounts of equanimity, pauses, and then pulls a hilariously exaggerated double-take at the tranny prostitute and her client. Hee.

The next thing we know, the manager's quite contentedly fingering his way through a wad of twenties in the main office while Dean assumes control of both the computer and the phone to activate the Lo/Jack Sam apparently has on his cell phone. And how does he do this? Why, by being a LYING LIAR WHO LIES, of course. "Sorry to bother you," he begins, addressing the customer service representative on the other end of the line, "but my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert." Dean suddenly pauses as the representative interjects some unexpected bit of dialogue into the conversation. "What? Um, yeah. Justin is quite the triple threat." Heh. And then he audibly rolls his eyes. Hee. Anyway, long story short, Dean LIES about his son's diabetes and the insulin and whatnot to convince the rep to activate the GPS on Sam's cell phone, and the helpful rep -- with an assist from A-line Mobile Phone Services' website, which Dean has accessed as "Dean J. Mahogoff" -- pinpoints Evil Action Sammy's current location as Duluth, Minnesota. Dean thanks the rep and hangs up as the camera pans in on Duluth's red online dot before cross-fading over to...

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