Unfortunately, this latest bit of torture only seems to strengthen Fake Crowley's resolve, for when Real Crowley once again asks for Purgatory's coordinates, Fake Crowley merely hacks a lungful of blood into Real Crowley's face by way of reply. "Most unsanitary, I must say!" Raoul gasps, clutching at his nonexistent pearls, and I'm sure you'll be happy to note that Real Crowley's inclined to agree with you, my faithful lizardly companion. "Oh, goody!" Yep, he snarls something nasty about the Alphas' beastly hygiene habits for a moment before retrieving a baby monitor from his Cart Of Destruction, and as he switches the thing on, he reveals that "this prison has a nursery." "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shrieks Raoul in anticipatory glee, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to burst your bubble, there, Raoul. "What on earth do you mean?!" I mean they're not actually going to show Crowley, real or otherwise, slaughtering newborn shapeshifters on this show -- to be honest with you, they're not even going to hint at it. "Oh, poop!" Well, you know, aside from having him threaten to "fillet" the little beasties in front of their daddy, as he does now. "That's hardly a satisfactory alternative, and you know it!" Talk to Sera Gamble, dude. "Excellent idea! I shall start penning a strongly worded letter of rebuke this instant!" You do that, honey.

And while Raoul's busily scrawling, "KILL THE INFANTS! KILL ALL OF THE INFANTS!" over and over again on an expensive-looking sheet of monogrammed stationery, let's get this opening over with, shall we? Long story short, Real Crowley threatens to slaughter all of Fake Crowley's kids, and Fake Crowley's like, "Whatevs -- I can always make more," so Real Crowley hacks Fake Crowley's head off with an iridium sword. "Wait!" shrieks Raoul, lifting his eyes from his exquisite penmanship. "What!?" I said, Real Crowley hacks Fake Crowley's head off with an iridium sword. "Rewind! Rewind immediately!" Oh, God. Fine. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! Again! Again!" Jesus Christ. Here. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I have to admit, that initial burst of arterial spray does have much to recommend it. "It's glorious! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as Fake Crowley's decapitated noggin lolls around on the dungeon floor, we finally reach the long-awaited...