Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: A
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Caged Heat

There. That's better. "Stamps!" Oh, for Pete's sake, they're right there in your cedar stationery case! "Oh, my! Of course they are! I simply don't know where my head has been lately!" Yeah, you can figure that out on your own dime. Now, may I please? "By all means!" Excellent.

Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yes: We've arrived back at Sam's cell, where Darling Sammy still crouches miserably in his corner as Crowley's henchdemons arrive to drag him away. One problem: You know how he was gnawing on his own remarkably healthy forearm? "Yes?!" He used the blood to paint a devil's trap on the ceiling. "...!" Well? "...!" Come on, Raoul, I'm sure you must have some reaction to that bit of news. "...!" I'm waiting. "THAT'S THE MOST AWESOME THING THEY'VE DONE THIS SEASON, I MUST SAY!" I am not inclined to disagree with your enthusiastic assessment, my scaly friend. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Meanwhile, Dean's getting his stumpy little bow-legged ass handed to him over in the shower room. Fortunately, Awesome Sammy arrives just in the nick of time to wrench a length of pipe from the wall, with which he then beats Dean's attackers to death. "VIOLENCE! WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT MUTANT-ANNIHILATING VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

Subplot Of My Death. Corin Nemec sodomizes Naked Meg with a Bowie knife, and no, I am not making that up. Fortunately, Dean arrives to spork Corin Nemec with The Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, and miraculously enough, the thing works again. Wave goodbye to Corin Nemec, kids! "And who, pray tell, is Corin Nemec?!" Well, Raoul, if you'd stayed awake for any part of this season, you'd know. "Hmph!" Oh, don't pout. He's gone now, and that's all you really need to know about him. "Hooray!" My sentiments exactly. Now, where were we? Oh, yes: Awesome Sammy arrives moments after the sporking is done to announce, "We should leave." Dean shocks everyone by freeing Meg first.

Elsewhere, Crowley's about to torture the first episode's kidnapped genie again when an asylum-wide alarm goes off. He reluctantly locks the genie back in her cage and storms off to investigate, and it's Dean, playing with the fire alarm down in the chamber of Meg's recent torment. Crowley barely has time to toss off a few snotty remarks when Awesome Sammy pops up out of nowhere to brain him with yet another length of pipe. Crowley goes flying halfway across the floor, and when he regains his senses, he discovers that Awesome Sammy's batted him beneath yet another hastily arranged devil's trap. "To what do I owe the reach-around?" Crowley snidely inquires. Meg -- by now fully dressed again -- steps around a far corner to join the party, and after she telekinetically rearranges Crowley's internal organs, or something, Sam demands his soul. Crowley refuses, so Meg plays around some more with his intestines until Crowley finally -- finally -- admits that he can't retrieve Sam's soul from The Cage. It took nearly everything he had, you see, just to yank the "mop-headed lumberjack's" body out of the thing, and it's far beyond Crowley's limited abilities to salvage anything else. Besides, Crowley notes, agreeing with Castiel's earlier assessment in the process, Sam wouldn't want the thing his soul's become after it spent more than a year below as Lucifer's chew toy, so why is he pressing the issue? Meg reluctantly concurs -- should Sam choke down his rescued eternal bits, they'd likely leave him a drooling wreck. Because he is awesome, Awesome Sammy realizes they're right, and he hands Meg The Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't so she can finish Crowley off. Meanwhile, the stumpy little bow-legged midget's been knotting his panties into a tremendous wad over Sam giving up, or something, but as everyone on screen's been ignoring him, I think it would be best if we did the same.

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