Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 4 USERS: B
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The Hardy Boys Go Viral

As Our Intrepid Heroes perform a bit of surreptitious sneak-fu on the dewy lawn outside, the camera cross-fades to the interior of the Tanner homestead kitchen, where a terrified Mama Tanner sits bound and gagged in a chair by the table. "By the way," Raoul would like you to know, "if you're one of those fans intent upon bringing a little bit of Supernatural into your own home, you can find the tea towel they've used to gag her at the Bed, Bath, & Beyond near you." And we're getting paid for that product placement...when, exactly? "There's no call to get snippy," Raoul sniffs. "I was just trying to be helpful." In any event, Toothy Jake rubs at his mother's shoulders as he leans close to her ear to whisper, "It's okay, Mom -- it's not gonna hurt." Toothy Jake then straightens himself up to yank on one of his hooded sweatshirt's sleeves to expose a bare forearm to that huge honking kitchen knife his father's toting. "Also available at the...." Zip it, Raoul. "But I was simply...." Knock it off, Raoul! "Well! See if I ever offer any of my invaluable home-decorating tips to you again, missy!" Should I point out to the folks at home that Raoul's lair looks like a cross between...nah, not worth it. Now where was I? Oh, yes: Papa Tanner draws the blade across his son's arm as Sam and Dean peer through the back window at the freakshow currently in progress. Dean decides he's seen more than enough and draws his pearl-handled automatic out of the back of his jeans to cock the thing as Toothy Jake now drips blood from his own wound into the one previously opened at some point on his mother's shoulder. Just as he's done so, though, Dean manfully boots in the back door to the house, and both boys charge into the kitchen with weapons drawn. "Naaaaaaahooooo!" howls the suddenly deranged Papa Tanner, lunging towards the intruders in a bizarre skip-frame shudder as Sam shouts for the man to drop the knife. Papa Tanner ignores Sam completely, so El Deano plugs him full of holes. "Yesssssss! hisses Raoul, entirely recovered from his earlier snit now that we finally have some actual bloodshed on the damn screen. Meanwhile, Toothy Jake's taken off in a bizarre skip-frame shudder of his own and hurls himself bodily through one of the kitchen's windows onto the dewy grass of the lawn below. Action Sammy rams his remarkably broad shoulders against the window's shattered frame and takes aim at the fleeing freak, but at the last instant, when it really counts, he finds he cannot bring himself to squeeze the trigger, and so Toothy Jake vanishes into the wilderness surrounding the Tanner homestead as cheery little birds chirp merrily away in the treetops above. Dean, who'd slammed up against Sam in time to watch his wimpy younger brother totally biff the kill, glares up at Sam's shaggy head, all, "You moron." Anguished Action Sammy briefly deploys The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes before both of Our Intrepid Heroes get their equally tantalizing asses swallowed up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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Supernatural

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