Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, Hardy Boys, Do You Know What That's Worth?

Oh, yes: The Puffy-Eyed Ginormomoron's all, "Who told you that?" I resist the urge to pelt the television set with a handful of Raoul's wriggly snacks while screaming, "THE STUPID REDNECKS YOU LET ESCAPE, DUMBASS!" in favor of maintaining my silence while allowing Walt to growl pretty much the same thing, and shotguns are cocked, and The Ginormomoron pleads for his life, and steely-eyed reaction shots abound courtesy of each and every gentleman in the room, and BAM! "VIOLENCE!" howls Raoul, thumping his tail upon the ground in somewhat unexpected approval as a spray of pellets aerates Darling Sammy's heretofore remarkably healthy chest. BAM! "VIOLENCE!" bays Raoul. "VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" That second shot apparently took out a piece of Darling Sammy's heretofore remarkably healthy back, for there's a bit of splatter soaking into the pillows Dead Sam's wildly unruly coif now splays itself across, and pity the poor motel maid who's going to have to scrub out those stains. "I WEEP FOR HER!" Liar. "Hee! It's true! Though she should know that a little hydrogen peroxide will whisk those pesky little bloodstains away!" Thanks for the helpful hint, Heloise. "Anytime!" Now, might I continue? "Please do!" Thanks.

Now, were this a season or three ago, we'd all expect Dean to be freaking the fuck out right about now, yes? "Indeed!" But he's not, of course, for as the THEN! noted (and indeed as Zachariah, Lucifer, and Michael promised at various points over the last year and a half), Sam and Dean never stay dead for very long on this show, because Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are locked into six-year contracts. Erm. That should probably read "because Sam and Dean are vital players in the long-foretold Apocalypse," shouldn't it? "Who cares!?" Excellent point, friend of friends. "Thanks!" So, while Les Frères Disney bicker about the various upsides and downsides to wasting Dean as well, still-hungover El Deano simply simmers and steams for a bit atop his twin before he finally snaps, "Go ahead, Roy, do it -- but I gotta warn ya, when I come back? I'm gonna be pissed." He won't be hungover anymore, either, which is making me think a bullet to the brain is the absolute best hangover cure possible for Our Intrepid Hero. "VIOLENCE!" Now, don't be jumping the gun, Raoul. So to speak. "Hee!" Roy's trigger finger twitches, but he's waffling far too much for his brother's taste, so the elder Disney mutters something threatening, chambers another round, and...

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Supernatural

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