Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Spell "Trouble" T-R-U-B-I-L

...rejoin Darling Sammy over at the county jail. On second thought, let's not and say we did, because all they do is pass out guns while cracking wise about the various alcoholics in and around Sioux Falls. Okay? "Okay!" Excellent.

Emporium Yard. Dean and Bobby load up Bobby's handicapable van with weapons and ammunition in anticipation of the battle ahead. Well, actually, Dean loads up Bobby's handicapable van with weapons and ammunition in anticipation of the battle ahead because Bobby's been useless ever since he severed his spinal cord. Sigh. Things are progressing nicely until one of Bobby's junkyard dogs starts in with the yapping, so Dashing El Deano trots off to investigate, leaving the vulnerable cripple all by his easily slaughtered lonesome. Way to go, Dean. Way. To. Go.

Meanwhile, back at the county jail, absolutely nothing is happening because...

...all of the goddamned zombies have descended upon Bobby's Emporium! DUN! Bobby gets off a couple of shots that completely miss the revenants scrambling behind the various wrecks littering his lot, but just when we think Bobby's a goner, Zombie Clay spins in from out of nowhere to tackle Dashing El Deano into the METAL TEETH CHOMP! "That wasn't very exciting!" And I'm not going to disagree with you on that point, friend of friends. "Is this episode over yet?!" Soon, Raoul. Soon.

Emporium Yard. Dashing El Deano tussles with Zombie Clay in the dirt. Tussle, Dean, tussle! Meanwhile, one of the zombies finally charges out into the open near Bobby's handicapable van, and Bobby -- get this -- takes off the guy's entire head with a single shotgun blast! "VIOLENCE! WANTON ACTS OF LONG-DELAYED VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Smartass. "Tee!"

Elsewhere, Dean finally manages to retrieve his sawed-off shotgun and obliterates half of Zombie Clay's face. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Back at Bobby's handicapable van, Speed Racer manages to dispatch three more of the creatures before one of their surly compatriots tips over his wheelchair. Fortunately for the cripple, Dean pops up just in time to blast a slug into the undead bully's ear and, after he's helped Bobby back into the chair, the two retreat into The Emporium Proper. Unfortunately for both of them, they've left all of the additional ammunition behind in Bobby's handicapable van, and so the dozen revenants who quickly burst into Bobby's home through every available window and door have soon forced them into a vaguely familiar closet just off the kitchen. "Kind of a tight fit, don't you think?" Bobby grits as the zombies pound against the door. "It's all right!" Dean shouts back. "They're idiots -- they can't pick a lock!" The pounding stops immediately, replaced by the scritchy-scritchy sound of a zombie picking the lock. HA! And sure enough, the lock-picking zombies have soon flung open Dean's closet door -- shut up, Raoul -- and Dean's forced to ram the butt of his shotgun into their heads for a while until, in an absolutely stunning example of Ginormotron Ex Machina, Darling Sammy arrives in the nick of time from the county jail to pick off the remaining zombies one by one. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Oh, sorry -- my mistake. It's really more A Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity than Ginormotron Ex Machina, because Darling Sammy's getting quite a bit of help from Sheriff Mills. In any event, once the last zombie has been thus brutally decapitated, the stouthearted survivors stand around panting at each other until they vanish into this evening's final commercial break once more most woefully CHOMP!-less. "[YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!]" I could not agree with you more, Raoul.

St. Anthony's Cemetery. Despite the fact that Sioux Falls doubtless has several fully operational crematoria within the city limits, Our Intrepid Idiots have chosen to immolate the town's re-dead undead in a gigantic pyre in the middle of the graveyard. Morons. Next!

Bobby's Emporium. The gentleman of The Emporium watches as his re-dead undead wife goes up in flames upon a pyre of her very own, and I'm sure Raoul will be pleased to learn that I'm pretty sure he's burning her dress with her. "DEATH! DEATH TO THE MALICIOUS POLY DOUBLE-KNIT!" Our Intrepid Idiots arrive just in time for this evening's denouement, and I'll spare you the subsequent 132 seconds of televisual agony to get to the point, such as it is: Regardless of the actual contents of the message Death sent to Bobby (which Bobby, mind you, never passes along to Sam and Dean), Bobby's decided Death's real purpose in Sioux Falls this week was to break his will to carry on with the battle against Lucifer, and while Bobby doesn't actually come out and admit this to Our Intrepid Heroes, the episode leaves the audience with the feeling that Death succeeded. Oh, well. Yet another one down, and now there's only three to go, I suppose. Let's hope My Sweet Baboo isn't as much of a dreary pussy as the cripple in the wheelchair.

Next week, the boys supposedly get shot in the face and go to Heaven. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Not the face! NEVER THE FACE!" Becalm yourself, lizard -- Zachariah's involved, so I'm betting it's just another alternate-universe mindfuck. "Hooray!" Says you. "Hee!"

Demian's back to hating what you have on. Raoul's just grateful you're not wearing that dress. "EVIL!" You may reach the former at The latter is an imaginary gay dragon still under house arrest on the Internet.

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