Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Spell "Trouble" T-R-U-B-I-L
t do it ourselves," Dean shrugs, and with that, they join the scruff in the latter's booth.

A moment later, after he's had a chance to caffeinate himself, Dean opens with, "Mr. Wells, why don't you tell us what you saw, in your own words?" "Call me Digger," this Mr. Wells person insists, leading Dean to repeat the nickname with an appreciative smile on his face before asking, "Who gave you that name?" "I did," Digger replies. For whatever reason, Dean immediately takes offense at this, and frowns in all seriousness, "You gave yourself your own nickname? You can't do that." Digger: "Who died and made you queen?" Hee. That retort effectively shuts Dean up for the remainder of the interview, so Darling Sammy gallantly steps forward to repeat Dean's initial question, and long story short, Digger watched Zombie Clay sneak into "Benny Sutton's" trailer, and after Zombie Clay left, Digger found Benny Sutton dead on the floor. When asked to guess Zombie Clay's possible motive, Digger reveals that Benny Sutton "accidentally" shot Zombie Clay during a hunting expedition five and a half years ago, so Digger figures "[Zombie] Clay came back from the grave to get a little payback." Digger would elaborate upon this little theory of his, I'm sure, were it not for the sudden entrance of the Sioux Falls sheriff, who picks up a takeout order at the diner's counter while gently chiding her son "Owen" to "put down the cupcake and pick up an apple" via her cell. She freezes the instant she spots the scruffball in the booth, however, and hastily rings off to amble on over to the table, where she manages to intimidate Digger into a sullen silence simply by stating his name. "Sheriff Jody Mills" next turns her icy attention upon Our Intrepid Heroes, who rather stupidly introduce themselves as "Agents Dorfman and Niedermeyer," so Sheriff Mills has little choice but to ask to speak with their supervisor. Sam calmly hands her a business card, and the next thing we know...

...the wall phone labeled "F.B.I." is ringing over in the kitchen of Bobby's Emporium, deep within the lush coastal rainforests of central South Dakota. There's a supposedly tense moment wherein we're not sure if Bobby's going to pick up, what with his mysterious unresponsiveness earlier in the scene, but the gentleman of The Emporium soon wheels himself over to answer the thing with a thoroughly professional "Agent Willis speaking!" Sheriff Mills wrinkles her nose at the familiar-sounding voice and asks, "Bobby?" The pleasant smiles on Our Intrepid Heroes' faces freeze and slowly drop to the diner linoleum as the boys shoot each other wary side-eyes while Bobby gamely attempts to continue the ruse with a too-innocent "Excuse me?" Sheriff Mills isn't having it, however, and she snaps her cell shut as angrily as she possibly can before informing the LYING LIARS WHO LIE that Bobby "is a menace around here" with "an ass-full of drunk-and-disorderlies and mail fraud," so whatever Our Intrepid Heroes are planning with Digger "ends here, now." "Ten-four on that, 'agents'?" she eyebrows before sweeping on out of there, and with their LIES so efficiently exposed, Sam and Dean have little choice but to motor on over to...

...Bobby's Emporium, which is apparently well within the Sioux Falls metropolitan area, just in case anybody cares. You know, besides yours truly, who will now have to accustom himself to typing "Bobby's Emporium, deep within the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota." Sigh. Anyway, the boys chastise Bobby for ignoring their earlier calls until Dashing El Deano notices something funny in the Emporium air. "What is that smell?" Dean gags. "Is that soap?" Dean wonders, appalled. "Did you clean?" Dean accuses. "What're you, my mother?" a rather dapper-looking Bobby snaps back. "Bite me!" Heh. Darling Sammy, ever the unusually large buzzkill, chooses to roll his eyes at all of the hilarity and perch himself upon Bobby's research desk to pepper the cripple with questions regarding Bobby's whereabouts the last couple of days and why Bobby's apparently ignoring the zombie that's risen to start offing trailer trash not five miles from The Emporium. Bobby insists that there's nothing to "the Benny Sutton thing," explaining not only that Digger Wells is an unrepentant drunk, but also that "there's a list of the living a year long" who wouldn't have hesitated "putting a cap" in Benny Sutton's ass, so great a son of a bitch was the late and apparently unlamented Heshy. "Looks like you wasted a tank of gas on this one," Bobby shrugs. "Great," Dean mutters. "I'm bored!" shrieks Raoul, flailing about upon his overstuffed armchair. "Where are the zombies!?" Raoul continues, his volume steadily and predictably increasing as he works himself up into yet another almighty snit. "I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE ZOMBIES!" Raoul howls, and Raoul! "WHAT?!" Calm down! "WHY!?" Because the goddamned zombies don't start snacking on those goddamned intestines for another goddamned twenty minutes, and I'll be goddamned straight to goddamned Hell before I listen to you goddamned whine about it until then! "Well!" Raoul sniffs, his dudgeon high. "You'll pardon me, I'm sure! But I simply haven't the time to waste on this bloodless nonsense!" You're still under house arrest, you dizzy lizard -- what else are you going to waste your time on, huh? "Why, I've Easter eggs to dye!" And with that, Raoul squirms from atop his overstuffed armchair to toddle off in a huff towards his den, trailing an air of practically visible contempt behind him. Drama queen. "I heard that!"

Hoo, boy. Sorry about that. Though, you know, some morbid part of my soul kinda can't wait to see what Raoul's Easter eggs look like. Anyway, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Our Intrepid Heroes, thoroughly discouraged, are on their way out of town when Dean just happens to wheel the Impala past St. Anthony's Cemetery, where Zombie Clay would be buried had he not clawed his way out of his grave at the top of the hour. Devious El Deano pulls Metallicar over to the side of the road, eliciting a mighty bitchface from Darling Sammy, who doesn't quite get what's going on. "What's up?" Sam bites. "Come on," Dean urges. "We'll take a peek, and then we'll hit the road!" "Can't hurt," Dean adds, so the next thing Sam knows, he's deploying a little flashlight-fu in the chilly evening air while toting a shovel. The boys quickly find Zombie Clay's headstone and start digging, with Sam the first to reach Zombie Clay's coffin. It's empty -- duuuuuuuuuuuh -- so Sam and Dean proceed to break into Zombie Clay's last known address for whatever reason, where they deploy yet more flashlight-fu until...Zombie Clay leaps from the shadows to swing at Dashing El Deano with a nine iron! DUN! Dean, like, knees Zombie Clay in the groin, or something, so Zombie Clay quickly retreats to cower on the floor while Sam hustles on over from elsewhere to push the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun -- this one presumably loaded -- into Zombie Clay's snout. "Don't shoot me, please!" the pasty-faced revenant pleads, curling his unnatural form up into a quavering ball on the carpeting. "There's money in the safe!" he blurts, hoping that will appease Our Intrepid Heroes, and under normal circumstances, I'm certain our beloved pool sharks and credit card fraudsters would take the reanimated corpse up on his offer, but Sam and Dean have a mystery to be solving at the moment, so they ignore the free money in favor of demanding some answers from Zombie Clay. Long story short, Zombie Clay confesses to everything: Scratching off the lid of his coffin, ruining the carefully tended lawns of St. Anthony's Cemetery, choking out an eye-scarringly attired trailer park bitch who shot him in the back five years ago, all of it. So, Agents Dorfman and Niedermeyer pretend to arrest Zombie Clay and promptly perp-walk him from his home, only to

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