Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 2 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Full-On Swayze That Mother. Again.

...The Recycled Location Interior, where Grievy McDrunkface pages through a scrapbook filled with Cole's baby pictures as the ghost himself watches with gloom filling his enormous dark eyes. Tessa and Astral Dean materialize silently behind the kid, and Tessa's changed into this strappy white frock that must have left Lindsey McKeon absolutely freezing on that Canadian soundstage while they filmed this sequence. And long story short, Tessa turns on the warmth and the charm and manages to convince Ghost Cole to move on, which he does by accepting her embrace and vanishing into her body. Great. Next season, we'll find out Reapers are actually soul eaters who thrive by feasting on the spectral remains of the human dead, because this show hasn't become depressing enough already. Thanks for nothing, Kripke!

Of course, the instant Ghost Cole disappears, Grievy McDrunkface feels better about her life, so that's enough of her, and let's get back to Astral Dean's little tête-à-tête with Miss Tessa, shall we? "We shall!" On second thought, let's not, because Tessa -- God love her anyway -- just pisses all over Dean's ideas about angels on his shoulders and second chances and The Big Guy having a plan for him, claiming they're all just lies he's been telling himself to avoid heeding his gut instincts, because his gut instincts have been screaming "that something nasty's coming down the road" since the beginning of the season. Besides, we've still got Show Barnes to kill before this godforsaken episode's done with, so next!

Back at this week's motel room, the Show Barnes in question summons Astral Dean back to his body, and as Dean gasps himself awake, Show Barnes slowly eases herself onto Darling Sammy's bed, because now that Miss Tessa's back on the job, that gaping stomach wound she sustained during the earlier scene is now -- wait for it -- bleeding freely and Show Barnes must cling to her abdomen to keep her intestines from spilling out all over the bedspread! Uh, Raoul? You hear what I said about blood and intestines? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Oh, great. They waited so long to get to the fucking gore this week that Raoul's passed out on his overstuffed armchair from all of the booze. I hope you're happy, show. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get his drool off the upholstery? Assholes.

And then Show Barnes dies. Well, not before she instructs Our Intrepid Heroes to tell Bobby he can rot in Hell for ever introducing her to them in the first place, and not before she calls Dean out on lying about "going to a better place," and most especially not before she hauls her rapidly weakening self up to Sam's ear to hiss one final warning: "I know what you did to that demon, Sam -- I can feel what's inside of you. If you think you have good intentions, think again." And then Show Barnes dies. Damn you, Kripke! Damn you straight to The Waste Land!

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