Death's Door

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 5 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Cough Up The Hairball

Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yes: This pointless scene. Bullet-Brained Bobby makes googly eyes at the shapely shapeshifter currently masquerading as his wife until thunder rumbles ominously overhead. "I don't remember a storm coming in the night this happened," Bobby frowns, heading over to the window to peer up at the cloudless sky, and as he watches, the stars wink out one by one, followed by the moon, which collapses in on itself to vanish from the sky. So, you know, we should add Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to the list of things they're ripping off for this evening's main plot. Down in the foggy field below, a beflanneled youngster trots into view, audibly panting as he races towards the house Bobby's currently occupying while behind the kid, The Lush Coastal Rainforests Of Southeastern South Dakota slowly melt away into blackness. "Mother Mary," Bobby gapes. "I've got a messed-up fruitcake." And with that, we have entered the portion of this evening's festivities wherein everyone must slam down a triple shot of his or her favorite holiday-season liqueur every time Bobby spouts out some fake, cornponey-sounding bit of slang for the word "head." You should all be blotto by the second commercial break. You can also all thank me later.

The shapely shapeshifter currently masquerading as Bobby's wife says something unimportant at this juncture, but we don't have any more time for her at the moment because we must follow along as Bobby vanishes through the garret door to end up...

...standing right behind good old Rufus Turner in the middle of an actual raging thunderstorm. The two are clad in stylishly tailored uniforms likely stolen from the very same "B&R Pest Control Company" they advertise on their sleeves, and good old Rufus is motor-mouthing his way through some last-minute instructions regarding their current hunt. Completely oblivious to Bobby's panicky shouts of "I'm gonna die!" and such, Rufus blows through the front doors of the building they're about to investigate, and when the shot cuts back to take in Bobby, now standing all by his hairy lonesome, we can see that the two are invading a church. A very familiar-looking church, if memory serves me correctly, but I suspect the reused location's beside the point, for that beflanneled youngster's just appeared out of the rain to snatch at Bobby's arm and bleat, "God's gonna punish you!" DUN! Or, you know, not, as the case may be. A crashing noise assaults the soundtrack from somewhere behind Bobby's back, and he turns to stare at a shattered glass of milk now staining the otherwise spotless linoleum of the church's portico. The sight visibly throws Bobby for a loop, and by the time he's returned his attention to the beflanneled youngster, the beflanneled youngster's disappeared back into the storm.

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