...The Orchard. Stupid Sammy eases through the barn door with a sawed-off pump-action shotgun at the ready, then proceeds to tippy-toe his way towards the back.
Meanwhile, the camera scampers ahead of The Ginormomoron to land on Dumbass El Deano, chained to a chair at a table in front of an "ornate" "Egyptian" "throne," surrounded on all sides by "elaborate" "onyx" "sculptures." Presently, Osiris materializes upon that "throne," and Jesus Christ. That tacky-ass black gown they've saddled poor Faran Tahir with for the hijinks that follow makes him look like he's a wimple away from playing Sister Mary Amnesia in a low-rent production of Nunsense at the Iowa City Community Theater. And if you recall that joke from one of my many, many recaps of CANCELLED!, rest assured that its appearance here is most certainly deliberate. Now where the hell was I? Oh, yes: This shitty, shitty episode. "Behold my glory!" Sister Mary Osiris may or may not actually say. Dumbass El Deano squirms, but he cannot free himself from his chains, for they are -- as Sister Mary Osiris puts it -- "Houdini-proof." The two dimwits sneer and snarl at each other until Sister Mary Osiris invites the incredibly ill-hidden Sam into the jury-rigged Star Chamber proper to join in on all the fun. Stupid Sammy promptly volunteers himself to act as Dumbass El Deano's counsel during the lengthy trial sequence that's about to begin, and this should SUCK.
Dumbass El Deano hisses that Stupid Sammy's not really a lawyer, and Stupid Sammy sniffs something huffy in return about that pre-law concentration of his back at Stanford eight thousand years ago, and Dumbass El Deano snots back some line of nonsense I haven't the patience to listen to much less transcribe, and WOULD YOU ASSHOLES GET TO THE GODDAMNED POINT ALREADY? And look at that! Sister Mary Osiris takes center stage to announce he'll be calling a grand total of three witnesses to attest to Dumbass El Deano's seemingly bottomless reserve of guilt. You know, that seemingly bottomless reserve of guilt Our Intrepid Idiot apparently amassed at some point between last week and this one, specifically for the purposes of this crap episode. First to be summoned is "Joanna Beth Harvelle," and so Jo obediently sizzles and zots into place next to the witness stand, and I'm sorry, but no. NO. You will never, ever convince me that a Purgatorial beastie posing as a pagan god has the power to drag human souls out of Heaven on a whim, and you need to forget that I raised that particular objection immediately because I just realized it makes me sound like some gross, sweaty Internet fanboy. "ZZZZZZ -- hee! ZZZZZZZ!" I'm not sure I like your tone, missy.