Exile On Main St.

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys...Don't Do Much of Anything, Actually

"No! Yeah! Well!" Dean flusters as he hastily shoves his badass piece back into his jeans before finally LYING, "I got a permit for it!" "What," sweaty Sid snorts, "to shoot the Glickman's dog?" Dean thinks fast and grins, "I thought that was a possum!" Sweaty Sid stares blankly at him for a very long moment, so Dean elaborates, "Well, possums carry rabies, so..." "I did not know that!" Dim, Sweaty Sid enthuses. "Oh, yeah," Dean nods solemnly. "Possums...possums kill, Sid." Heh. And that, ladies and gentlemen, represents this evening's only entertaining moment, so I'll be skipping ahead past the bit wherein Dreadfully Dull El Deano spots some sulphur dusting the threshold of Frau Glickman's adorable little gardening shed to reach the part where he...

...screams back into his own garage, snags a duffel from one of the shelves, strides over to flip the dropcloth off Metallicar, and begins rummaging through the Impala's bottomless trunk for appropriate implements of demonic destruction. He gets as far as loading a sawed-off shotgun and, like, a blackjack, or something, into the duffel before he hears Bendy Lisa ambling up the drive, and by the time she's reached the door, he's magically stowed away the bag, recovered the car, and is now puttering about in his expensive-looking Craftsman cabinet for a ball-peen hammer. Whatever. "So, I just ran into Sid," Bendy Lisa too-casually opens before leveling her semi-permanent houseguest with A Look and demanding, "Did you almost shoot a Yorkie?" "Technically," Dean hedges. "What's going on?" Bendy Lisa eyebrows. "Nothing!" Dean chirps. "How come I don't believe you?" Bendy Lisa replies, and long story short, Dean admits his Spidey-sense started tingling for a bit back there at Frau Glickman's adorable little gardening shed, but he's pretty sure it's nothing. To be safe, though, and because he's got "an OCD thing about this," he suggests she take her exceptionally bulky brat to the movies while he makes one last sweep of the neighborhood "just to be one hundred percent." Bendy Lisa frowns with concern for a second, but willingly enough agrees to the plan and makes to leave before looking up at him one last time, warning him to be careful. "Careful's my middle name!" Dean smiles, and the two get schmoopy for a bit before Bendy Lisa finally wanders off.

Of course, the instant she's gone, Dean frantically drags out a trunk and rifles through its contents before finding Sucky John's demonic day planner buried beneath his signature leather jacket. Unfortunately for Our Intrepid Hero, just as he flips the demonic day planner open to an appropriate passage, the garage light above his head begins to buzz and blink and flicker on and off, and I'd toss this disturbing development a meaty "Dun-dun-DUN!" I'm sure, were this episode not so tedious and ponderous and mind-numbing and dull. As it is, I'll simply note that Dean quickly rips that sawed-off shotgun from his duffel bag to scan the apparently empty garage for any Hell-sent interlopers while he grows increasingly agitated at every little thump and mysteriously bouncing soccer ball until...Azazel pops up from out of nowhere to snarl and sneer at him! Dun-dun- "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Raoul! Would you please shut up? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Crap.

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