Exile On Main St.

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 4 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys...Don't Do Much of Anything, Actually

...we head back to that Cicero crackhouse with Sam and Dean, where they find the other members of The Roaming Posse Of Implausible And Boring prepping a few implements of demonic destruction for the impending battle. According to Zombie Grandpa, the grand plan is to sit and wait for the frigging genies to come to them, which Dean quite rightly realizes is no plan at all. Corin Nemec condescends something deeply obnoxious about Dean having been out of the game too long to come up with a viable alternative, so Dean snaps back that, as the frigging genies have drawn a bead on Our Dear Boys' backs, it makes far more sense to use the two as bait, then slaughter the frigging genies once the latter have risen to take it. Admiring smirks pass across The Roaming Posse Of Implausible And Boring's faces, because Dean has moxie, or some such bullshit, and the next thing we know, everyone's decamped for...

...Bendy Estates, where Dean intends to make his stand against the monsters who earlier broke into his home. Much mockery is made of Bendy Lisa's questionable taste in reading materials and Dean's newfound love of golf, and then it's off to the kitchen for a private one-on-one between Dean and his Zombie Grandpa, during which we learn that all sorts of freaky shit has been going down while Dean was out on the back nine, and that Dean's ancestors were "hacking the heads off vamps on the Mayflower." Just go with it. Said freaky shit includes, but is not limited to, "nocturnals attacking in broad daylight," "werewolves out on the half moon," and various other creatures that The Roaming Posse Of Implausible And Boring has "never even seen before." Zombie Grandpa claims he's been "knee deep in human hearts and exsanguinated ten-year-olds," and... "What?!" shrieks Raoul, suddenly snapping awake. "Exsanguinated ten-year-olds!? Where?!" Somewhere off-screen, I'm afraid. "Hmph! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Poor thing. And I'd chide the show for so unnecessarily toying with my impressively fanged companion's affections, I'm sure, but we've got to head outside with Dean at this juncture so we can all get a peek at the inside of The Roaming Posse Of Implausible And Boring's rather ominous-looking van, currently manned by Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell Cousin. The back of the van, you see, features a jury-rigged cage equipped with various harnesses, chains, and restraints. Strange, don't you think? So strange that you're sure Dean's going to ask Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell Cousin why The Roaming Posse Of Implausible And Boring travels around with a portable S&M dungeon in the back of its van, right? Wrong. Dean instead makes a feeble attempt at small talk that's curtly rebuffed by Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell Cousin, who then directs Dean's attention to the three frigging genies who at this very moment are cooling their heels in the treetops several hundred yards in the distance. DUN!

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