Primary Torture Chamber. Aftermath. Dreary El Deano and Undead Zombie Grandpa yell at each other about their differing strategies and priorities until Dreary El Deano finally shouts Undead Zombie Grandpa down, and the five assembled survivors agree to split up and track the missing Alpha Vampire, with the first person who finds him decapitating him, because Dreary El Deano's had enough of this touchy-feely self-help torture crap, bitch. There follows a seemingly endless and endlessly unsuspenseful tracking sequence during which absolutely nothing happens until The Alpha Vampire finally pops up from out of nowhere to snap Parker Lewis's neck. Um. Yay? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Or that. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" We'll go with that. Undead Zombie Grandpa fires a pointless round of buckshot into The Alpha Vampire's chest, after which The Alpha Vampire tosses Soulless Sammy up against a wall, promising to turn Our Soulless And/Or Dreary Moron into "the perfect animal," whatever the hell that's supposed to mean, and then a black-eyed Parker Lewis rises from the floor to jam a hypodermic full of Dead Man's Blood into The Alpha Vampire's neck. Um. DUN!? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Yeah, we'll go with that here, too. And just as Dreary El Deano and Girl Campbell round the corner to join in on all the wacky hijinks, two black-eyed extras buzz and blink and flicker in around the somewhat stunned Alpha Vampire, and the two arrivals plus Demonically Enhanced Parker Lewis proceed to buzz and blink and flicker out with their prey. "Their prey" being "The Alpha Vampire," if you had as much trouble following all of that as I did.
A tasteful golf clap erupts from somewhere far above the remaining characters' heads, and they look up to find Crowley lounging around on a catwalk, and you'll forgive me for veering off onto a tangent, I'm sure, but I must pause here to offer a tasteful golf clap of my own to Gamble & Gang. You see, they've finally -- finally, after five and a half goddamned seasons -- figured out how to surprise the audience with a character's unexpected entrance by stripping the relevant actor's name from the opening guest-star scroll. Yep, go back and check for yourselves -- Mark Sheppard's nowhere to be found in the credits at the top of the hour. Brava. Shame, though, they decided to implement that cunning strategy for the first time in this hideous excuse for an episode, where not even Crowley's surprise appearance in the fourth act can save this wretched mess. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"