Family Matters

Supernatural

Episode Report Card

Demian: F | 3 USERS: B+

YOU GRADE IT

Family Matters

By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.05.2010

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

In the opening sequence, Dean calls upon Castiel to find out what the audience has already known since this episode's promo aired at the end of last week's installment: Openly Evil Sammy returned from Lucifer's Cage without his soul, so Openly Evil Sammy's not so much openly evil as he is, um, without his soul. Whatever that means.

Seeking to find clues as to who could have effected such a bizarre set of circumstances, the boys plus Castiel head on over to The Campbell Compound, where preparations are underway for a raid on The Alpha Vampire's lair the following morning. First, however, Castiel must fist Undead Zombie Grandpa's torso to see if he, too, is missing a soul, and when it's determined that Undead Zombie Grandpa came back from the grave with all of his earthly and incorporeal bits intact, the boys minus My Sweet Baboo embark upon this evening's next bit of incredibly tedious bullshit, which would be the tracking and capture of that Alpha Vamp.

And after several of the expected supernumeraries are slaughtered -- off-camera, because that's how fucking boring this episode is -- Undead Zombie Grandpa bundles The Alpha Vampire into The Campbell's Super-Special S&M Party Van so the boys plus Undead Zombie Grandpa plus Parker Lewis plus Girl Campbell might embark upon this evening's third bit of incredibly tedious bullshit, which would be the torture, escape and eventual recapture of that Alpha Vampire. The torture, alas, is lengthy, but during it we do discover that all good Alpha Vampires go to Purgatory, which should be delightful news for this planet's 1.2 billion Catholics. The escape and eventual recapture segments are, mercifully, brief, but they unfortunately feed into this evening's fourth bit of incredibly tedious bullshit, which is...

...Crowley's revelation that he's been behind everything all along. Yep, Crowley's the one who resurrected both Undead Zombie Grandpa and Soulless Sammy more than a year ago, and Crowley's the one to whom Undead Zombie Grandpa's been reporting ever since, because if Undead Zombie Grandpa doesn't do whatever Crowley asks of him, Crowley will throw Sam body and soul back into Lucifer's Cage for all eternity. Needless to say, no mention is ever made of that hapless bastard of a half-brother of theirs, so you should probably forget I even brought him up in the first place.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! To Undead Zombie Grandpa's skillfully concealed dismay, Secretly Evil Sammy let Dreary El Deano turn into a vampire for all of three seconds in order to track the location of The Alpha Vampire, who is apparently building an army of wee bitty Shining twins so they can have tea parties with bleeding Victorian dollies in various Illinois graveyards. Then, Veritas blew Secretly Evil Sammy's secretly evil cover, so Dreary El Deano beat the pretty clear off Openly Evil Sammy's face. Got all that? Good. Next!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! As Openly Evil Sammy struggles back into sludgy semi-consciousness over in Last Week's Motel Room, the blurry image of My Sweet Baboo pushes itself up into The Semi-Conscious Sam-Cam to growl, "You're right -- he looks terrible." "You did this?" Castiel asks of Dreary El Deano, who sits silently somewhere off to the side as the camera reverses and we get another good look at the fresh wounds Dreary El Deano beat onto Openly Evil Sammy's heretofore remarkably pretty face. After a few more watery, Sam-P.O.V. images of the room in general, Openly Evil Sammy finally manages to focus his eyes on the angel and address My Sweet Baboo by name just as he realizes his hands have been firmly secured behind his back with a length of rope.

Castiel pushes Openly Evil Sammy's battered head backwards to examine the errant Winchester's eyes while asking of Dreary El Deano, "Has he been feverish?" "Have you?" Dreary El Deano barks, for he apparently hasn't a clue, despite the fact that he's been sharing the Impala and numerous motel rooms with his brother for the better part of the season. Idiot. "No," Openly Evil Sammy replies before wondering, "Why?" Ignoring him, Castiel next asks of Dreary El Deano, "Has he been speaking in tongues?" "Are you diagnosing me?" Openly Evil Sammy bleats, confounded. "You better hope he can," Dreary El Deano snarls from the far side of the room before rising to his feet to approach Openly Evil Sammy with a jeering, "What, you think that there's a clinic out there for people who just pop out of Hell wrong?" "He asks, you answer," Dreary El Deano seethes, "then you shut your hole -- got it?" A somewhat awkward silence follows for a moment until Castiel asks Openly Evil Sammy, "How much do you sleep?" "I don't," Openly Evil Sammy admits. "Not since I got back."

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