Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
The Hardy Boys Meet Bristol Palin

Sigh. Okay, this next bit could have been creepy as all hell had they not chosen to present it to the audience as if it had been filmed through those green-tinted night-vision lenses (which it hadn't, and we know it hadn't because their eyes aren't glowing), because all you end up wondering during the whole sequence is, "Who the hell is down in that fucking basement filming Bristol and Special Needs with a goddamned night-vision camera? Is it Levi? Where would Levi get a goddamned night-vision camera? How would Levi even know how to work a goddamned night-vision camera? Why would Levi even need a night-vision camera in the first place? Can't his freakish inbred mutant eyes see as well in the dark as Bristol's? Oh, God, maybe it's those fucking Ghostfacers! It is, isn't it? Those fucking douchebag homophobes are back, and for whatever stupid, contrived reason The Kripkeeper came up with, Bristol and Levi agreed not to eat them, and instead have granted them access to their swinging inbred mutant freak basement abattoir so those fucking douchebag homophobe Ghostfacers can film Bristol and Levi torturing random special-needs adolescents through green-tinted night-vision lenses! Crap!" And by the time you've worked your way through all of that, you've totally missed Bristol eating a live rat. And when you totally miss Bristol eating a live rat, Raoul is sad, and nobody like a sad Raoul. "[Sob!] It's true!"

By the way, there might have been a METAL TEETH CHOMP! in there as well. I'm not rewinding to look.

Meanwhile, topside, Dean busies himself busting through that old laundry chute he and Sam had discovered back when the earth was still cooling. There are deep fingernail gouges on the interior wood, by the way, which is a nice touch. In any event, Dean heads down into the basement to rescue Special Needs while Sam sends Husband off in search of curtains they can knot together like a rope. Next!

Out in The Shed Of Tools, Bristol (or Levi, or both of them) of course manages to break in through one of the walls, so things aren't looking too good for Sassy Daughter and The Legend Of Billie Jean. Next!

Dean finds his trusty pearl-handled automatic amid the basement debris, and lucky for him, the twin inbred mutant basement freaks didn't unload it, because no sooner has he stumbled upon and freed Special Needs than Special Needs shouts, "Hurry! He's coming back!" "He?" Dean hisses, for he has not already seen this episode three times. "Her brother!" Special Needs hisses back, and "AAUAAAARRRRRRRAUUAUAUARRRRGGGGH!" Yep, Levi pounces, and indeed, great is the manly tussling that ensues. Well, I'm assuming the manly tussling that ensues is great, but I can't really be certain, because I'm going off only aural clues, here, because the television screen has once again turned into an inky black mirror through which I can see only myself and Raoul, the latter of whom, I must admit, is looking rather slender. "Thanks!" Next!

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