Ho-hum. Another year, another Freak Of The Week. Well, Freaks Of The Week, actually, but I'm getting ahead of myself. After what we're told has been a month of nonstop cross-country demon hunting spearheaded by an unrelenting Dashing El Deano -- he's trying to atone for the various violent and sticky sins he committed in Hell, or something -- Our Intrepid Heroes head over to Stratton, Nebraska, where some redneck old coot'd been found gloriously eviscerated in a locked-from-the-inside room. The boys -- with Darling Sammy knotting his crankypants up in a tremendous wad due to sleep deprivation, don't you know -- suspect something spectral of the formerly female variety, and do their best to prevent a family of Monster Chow from moving into the creepy and ancient house where the mysterious murder took place, but that initial theory gets blown to bits when they learn the coot's deceased wife and daughter -- both of whom died in the home, the former in childbirth, the latter a suicide -- had been cremated many, many years ago.
Of course, the Monster Chow refuse to heed the Winchesters' most excellent and reasonable warnings and shove all of their belongings into the place anyway, and soon enough, the aggravatingly adolescent son's tossing around a baseball with The Thing That Lives In The Walls while his rather kick-ass older sister finds herself the unwilling object of That Thing's decidedly slobbery affections, and before you know it, the family's charming little doggie has had its fur and flesh ripped from its bones, and the smart-mouthed uncle's taken a butcher knife through his windpipe. Turns out The Thing is not a ghost at all, but rather the all-too-human fraternal twin children of the old coot's dead daughter, who'd been raped repeatedly by her father in a scenario Dean explicitly likens to that late unpleasantness over in Austria. After the daughter hanged herself in the attic, her disgusting father locked her kids in the basement (or something), where they learned to subsist on a diet of rats and, like, toilet water, until the girl child finally snapped and took an axe to her daddy/granddaddy's head. And in the end, Dean aerates the boy child's genetically twisted chest with his trusty pearl-handled automatic while the Monster Chow's paterfamilias ends up whacking the guy's equally genetically disturbed sister. Yawn.
And after all that? The Angst. Yes, yet another episode ends with Dreary El Deano shedding girly tears from his perch atop the Impala's hood, blubbering about how he grew to love torturing his fellow tormented souls down below for thirty or forty years, while Darling Sammy flounders about -- silent and impotent, of course, but also adorably misty-eyed! -- at his suffering brother's side. Again. For the second goddamned time in as many episodes. Yaaaaaaaaaawn.
Yet again -- most especially now, given my lengthy medical-related absence from these recaps this season, and considering the absolutely stellar job she did covering for me while I was gone -- before we begin, it would be most remiss of me not to allow Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon to make the following announcement. "Thanks! [A-him!] Cindy McL. Is Pretty Darn Swell! Hee! See what I did there?!" You suck, Raoul. "Hey!"
Rattle, Rattle BLOOD-RED THEN! Way back in late September, my sweet baboo Castiel, The Angel Of Thursday, entered Dashing El Deano's life for the very first time in a shower of sparks and deep blue eyes and angrily feathery hair and generalized overwhelming awesomeness and why has he not responded to my marriage proposal yet to inform Our Intrepid Hero that my sweet baboo himself was indeed the supernatural entity who gripped Permanently Branded El Deano tight and raised him from Perdition. Then, I broke my right shoulder in at least three places by tripping up a flight of four -- count 'em: four -- steps, and through my subsequent Vicodin haze, I thought I saw Lilith busting Dean's balls in a typically crappy motel room whilst Dean clutched futilely at a Gideon's with which he attempted to ward her off, but I'm pretty sure that was just a disturbing drug-induced hallucination, mainly because I don't want to have to knock Raoul off the goddamned ceiling with a goddamned broom again. "Thanks!" Never a problem, friend of friends. And after that? The Angst. Yep, a chance encounter a couple of episodes ago with a demon whose name I've already long forgotten hurled Dreary El Deano into an Impala-side recitation of the many, many sins he committed during his lengthy sojourn down in Hell, and not to spoil you for later events or anything, but he pretty much repeats the same goddamned teary-eyed confession at the end of tonight's installment, so I'm going to skip right past these clips in the THEN! in favor of ordering you all to shut up for the...
...Slashy, Slashy NOW!? Wow, I really haven't been paying attention to this stuff lately, have I? When did the NOW! get the slashy sound effects? Whatever. I'll worry about that later, 'cause we've got some inbred old coots to kill. "Demian!" shrieks Raoul, an appalled yet perfectly manicured paw pressed against his throat in shock and indignation. Um, what? "Spoiler, you silly little man!" Oh, hush up, you dizzy lizard. Everyone knows that characters popping up for the first time in the teaser will be dead by the title card, so what's with your shrieking? "Oh, I do apologize, I'm sure! It seems I myself have forgotten more than a few of the time-tested and gemlike details of this charming Thursday-evening divertissement myself!" Apology accepted. "Thanks!" Now, may I continue? "By all means!" Excellent.