Screamy aftermath. The Monster Chow conveniently assembles in one place on the main floor for Sassy Daughter's near-ultrasonic recounting of the events just passed, and it's a good thing Our Intrepid Heroes burst through the front door at this juncture, because I'm about to reach through the television screen and slap all of these assholes straight into the next administration. Oh, wait. Getting slapped straight into the next administration is a good thing, isn't it? "It is indeed!" Well, then. Never mind. Long story short, Sam and Dean level with everyone present just as the dog escapes all of this brutal nonsense to linger on the porch, and no sooner has all of that happened when the lights go out. Uh-oh. In very short order, the dog's strangled yelps draw everyone out onto the front lawn, where they follow a trail of... "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" shrieks Raoul, clapping his easily excited paws together with delight now that we've finally got some of the damn stuff more than a third of the way through this neverending episode, and I was gonna go with "a trail of blood, fur, and dog intestines," but Raoul's version will do just as well. "Don't mention it!" Don't worry. The trail of gore leads to the side of the Monster Chow's moving van, upon which has been scrawled -- in canine remains, I should note -- "too LAte," and as several have mentioned on the forum boards, it at best strains credibility to believe that twin inbred mutant freaks locked in a basement their entire lives would be able to differentiate among "too," "to," and "two," and to that I'll add that I doubt they also had the opportunity to learn both capital and lowercase letters, and we'll leave it at that because, after all, The Kripkeeper did have the balls to off this stupid family's stupid pet, which is something that never, ever happens on network television. Let's hope he retains those cojones and slaughters the stupid kids as well. "But...!" Don't! Don't even think about reminding me that I already know the ending! The only thing keeping me going at this point is the hope -- however misguided -- that each and every one of these MORONS dies long before this episode is OVER! "Well! In all honesty, I never!" And you never will if you don't ZIP IT, Raoul!
Now, where was I? Oh, yes: Sam and Dean convince Husband to evacuate all remaining Monster Chow from the premises immediately, but as they spin around to hop into the various vehicles littering the grass, they discover three sets of slashed tires, along with a bottomless Metallicar trunk that's been completely emptied of its many, many implements of mass destruction. "NO ONE FUCKS WITH MY CAR!" Dean basically screams, and he's not wrong, so we know it won't be long before Our Intrepid Heroes rid themselves of The Thing From The Pre-Credits Sequence with extreme prejudice. Now we just have to wait another goddamned half an hour for them to finally get around to it. In any event, after briefly spotting The Soon-To-Be-Dead-But-Not-Soon-Enough Thing From The Pre-Credits Sequence in the surrounding foliage, Dean orders everyone back inside, where he lays down a circle of salt for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who's been watching this show for longer than a week. Unfortunately, the assembled Monster Chow remains collectively skeptical, and Probably-Gay Uncle expresses this skepticism best when he shouts, "Look, I don't care who hung themselves where -- something is going on here, but it's just some backwoods hillbilly bitch and I'm not about sit around here waiting for her to go all Deliverance on my ass!" And you know what? He's totally, completely, absolutely, one-hundred-percent right: It is some backwoods hillbilly bitch -- and her backwoods hillbilly bitch of a brother -- so now, upon rewatching it all, nothing that occurs between this point and the supposedly big reveal matters. Oy. Though, you know, now that Probably-Gay Uncle's put the entire situation in those terms, I think I'll be referring to the twin inbred mutant freaks who have been locked in a basement their entire lives as "Bristol" and "Levi," partly because I never got a chance to comment on the entire vile Palin clan back when it actually mattered, but mainly because I am a petty and unforgiving bitch. "Atta girl!" Bless you, friend of friends.