Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Move Over, Buffy...

In a dark alley somewhere, Our Intrepid Heroes are looking around with the aid of flashlights when they come across a rather large stream of blood; coming closer, they see that it's emanating from the throat of a rapidly-expiring man lying on the ground. The boys kneel at his side, and Dean soothingly tells him they're going to get him some help, while Sam barks, "Where is she? WHERE DID SHE GO?" (Okay, I was just seeing if you were paying attention.) The guy, despite having a gaping throat wound and not enough blood left to sustain a chipmunk, manages to point down the alley, so Dean draws something from his belt and heads off while Sam either calls for help or gives the guy something pretty to look at as he goes off to meet his maker. Not the worst deal either way. Dean heads inside one of the nearby warehouses, and after looking around in an abbreviated version of that horror staple of showing the potential victim from forty-seven different angles, he raises the machete he's apparently been carrying this whole time and rolls up his left sleeve. So...he had that thing down his pants earlier? Yikes. For one thing, that runs the risk of making him an accidental eunuch, and different fans of the show may not see eye to eye on a lot of issues, but I think that's one thing that no one wants to see happen. And secondly, not to unduly bring up issues of stature, but that thing's big enough and El Deano's legs are short enough that I'm afraid it might drag along the ground, you know? ["Okay, you got that sentence from an old forum post, didn't you?" -- Joe R] Anyway, Dean slices open his arm something fierce, as and the blood drips from the blade, he yells for his as-yet-unseen adversary to "come and get it." And just like that, Mercedes McNab appears with blood all over her chin and a hungry look in her eye. It's been quite some time since I recapped her, but I am damn sure Harmony never got that sloppy. As she pauses, Dean tells her, "I smell good, don't I? I taste even better." You certainly don't need to be a vampire to want to test that assertion. Harmony (hey, what else am I going to call her?) still balks, so Dean tosses away his weapon, and Harmony charges. But it turns out Dean only tossed away one of his weapons -- as Harmony sinks her teeth into his neck, he pulls out a hypo and injects her with something that causes her to go down like a ton of bricks. Sam appears and breathes that Dean cut it a little close, but Dean chuckles that it worked, and of course we're meant to view this as yet another example of Dean Playing Fast And Loose With His Much-Abbreviated Life, which is this season's Angst That Almost Killed The Recapper, if I understand these things correctly.

Sometime later, Harmony is tied to a chair, and as the boys watch her with steely and virile looks on their faces, she comes to. She's panicked once she realizes her situation and struggles against her bonds, and claims to have no idea what they're talking about when they quiz her about her nest. She's probably confused because on those other shows on which she was a vampire, the rules were a little different, especially the one where the vamps always remembered to wipe their chins after they fed. Harmony claims not to feel well, prompting Dean to produce the hypo and gloat that she'll be feeling worse if they give her another dose of "dead man's blood." I wonder which of the many, many casualties on this show got the honor of posthumously donating blood for this particular cause. Do you think he carried around a little card stating his willingness to do so, or are the boys just gross? Anyway, both the boys, Sam surprisingly in particular, seem to be enjoying Harmony's distress until she claims to have taken something from which she can't seem to come down, and I'm choosing to believe that this rings a bell for them, rather than that they suddenly believe the word of a vampire for no compelling reason. In other words, I'm choosing to believe they're not morons, which just goes to show that I can still surprise myself. Harmony tells Sam her name is Lucy, and I'll go along with that because it's shorter, although it does make me wonder if she has a friend named Mina. Sam makes a deal with her -- she tells them what happened, and he'll let her go. Harmony tries to shake out the cobwebs being caused by her turning and the dead blood and recalls that she was at "Spider," a nearby club, and a guy was buying her drinks. Sam asks what he looked like, and Harmony replies, "He was old. Like, thirty." I'd point out that Jensen Ackles is twenty-nine, but my ancient going-on-thirty-eight self is too busy wincing in pain. She goes on that he had brown hair, a leather jacket, and was called "Deacon" or "Dixon" or something like that, and also claimed to be a dealer with something new for her to try. Turns out that, obviously, he put vampire blood in her drink, and the next thing she knew she was at his place. He claimed he'd get her something to eat soon, but she got too hungry, so she busted out. I'm not sure how she remembers all that and yet seems to be unaware of her bloodlust, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt that her memory is hazy in the spots she's telling us. Anyway, Dean asks if she finds the light too bright for her eyes and that sunshine hurts her skin, and she admits those things are true, and adds that she can "hear a heart beating from half a block away." A little work and that would make a nice sappy greeting card. While Sam employs the Super-Special Puppy Dog Eyes Of Sympathy, Dean lays some truthiness on Lucy, saying that they followed a trail of two corpses, almost three, to her. She thinks she was hallucinating and begs them for help, and the two of them step away for a confab, with Sam reluctantly agreeing with Dean that they don't have a choice. Dean heads back into the room, and we see Sam brace himself and then flinch as off-camera, Lucy shrieks. At first I was smelling a fakeout, because our Darling Sammy, who isn't known for breaking his word, promised Lucy he'd let her go, and also, if Dean actually decapitated her off-camera, I was worried Raoul was going to have to cut into his vacation time to write an angry "WHERE IS MY GOOOOOOOORE?" letter to the CW, and he needs his downtime badly. But it does in fact appear that they killed her, about which I'm kind of surprised, given that they devoted an episode to Lenore and the idea that Vamps Are People Too. But I suppose this is all meant to foreshadow the idea that Sam is more willing to kill nowadays when he thinks it's necessary, which is important in the context of the whole Gordon thing.

Apparently the boys got help to the man in the alley in time, because he's coming to in the hospital -- just in time for Whackjob Gordon and Krazy Kubrick to enter and ask him questions under the pretense of being FBI agents. The sanguine (heh, sorry) point is that Gordon wants to make sure that Lucy didn't infect the guy with her blood, as it contains "a very dangerous virus." Kubrick also mentions that you have to ingest the blood to be infected, and I wonder if the show is subtly trying to tell us that he's an idiot, since that notion is disproved by what happens to Gordon rather soon (VAGUE SPOILER!). When Gordon's satisfied that the guy is clean, he says it's a good thing, or they would have had to kill him. The guy chuckles, and then is like, "...um?" Heh. Gordon then asks for a description of the guys that chased after the vampire, and elicits this response: "One of them was real tall?" Hey, IMDb, even the show's bit players aren't going along with the notion that Jared Padalecki is only three inches taller than Jensen Ackles. Three feet would be more believable, so GIVE IT UP ALREADY. Anyway, Gordon looks at Kubrick like, "Positive ID on the

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Supernatural

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