Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A
Move Over, Buffy...

Apparently having followed the Spirit Who Didn't Mind Chatting With Bela Since He Couldn't Hear Her Accent On The Other Side's directions, Sammy and El Deano descend stairs that are liberally covered in a suspiciously blood-like substance to find the vamp sitting with what remains of his "daughters," specifically, everything but their heads. You see, Gordon's interpretation of "helping" the poor girls was to end their undead existence by decapitating them. The vamp berates himself for exposing Gordon to his "family," but when Dean sends some derogatory words his way, the vamp advances such questions as "You ever felt desperate?" "Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn?" Sounds like this vamp's been on deadline before. But no, he has to flatten us further by saying that "it's like being dead already," and given that you're UNDEAD already, my man, this is pushing the anvil a little farther than a guest recapper can take here. I mean, we've seen innumerable instances of Dean Playing Fast And Loose With His Much-Abbreviated Life already, and we've learned the lesson that Vamps Are People Too, so can we get on with the action? The vamp asks Dean to kill him, and then Sam pipes up that the heads of the girls weren't cut off -- they were ripped off with someone's bare hands. And...sorry, no, I don't believe that Gordon handled the transition so much quicker and better than the girls, who were being fed to raise their strength, that he could have ripped off the heads, although I freely admit that I would have kept my mouth shut about it if only we'd gotten to see it. Hey, I like goooooooooore as much as the next gay viewer, recapper, or dragon. Anyway, we don't find out if the vamp prevails on Dean to end his existence, but the boys do finally catch up and realize that Whackjob Gordon is now Undead Whackjob Gordon...

...and someone else who's about to learn of Gordon's newly-undead status is Krazy Kubrick, who's retreated to his Magic Eyes Jesus RV and is loading his gun. Now, if you were holding a loaded gun and heard a mysterious noise outside, would you PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON before you went to investigate? I assume not, but that's what Kubrick does, which could have something to do with the Krazy, I guess. Anyway, Kubrick looks out the window, and when he turns back to the interior of the Magic Eyes Jesus RV, Gordon is there. Kubrick says he thought maybe Gordon was dead, and Gordon half-scoffs, half-chokes, like, "If ONLY." He sort of hangs his head in shame at what he's become, which is a nice touch, and tells Krazy Kubrick about being turned. Krazy Kubrick gives him a heartfelt "I'm sorry," but then says he must know what this means. Gordon indeed is down with Kubrick killing him -- if Kubrick will just let him off Darling Sammy first. He pitches his case, saying his vampiric strength and speed will be assets in killing the Ginormatron, but Kubrick just shakes his head and says he can't let Gordon walk out of there. Gordon refrains from pointing out that, especially since Kubrick is unarmed, Gordon can do pretty much whatever he damn well pleases, but it's clearly important to him to get Kubrick's blessing, and as he turns and regards the large crucifix on the wall, he says that he can do one last good thing for the world. I'm not really sure why Kubrick doesn't go along with this, as perfectly willing as Gordon seems to be to give himself up once Darling Sammy has been dispensed with, but he doesn't, only pretending to accede to Gordon's wishes while picking a knife up off the table. If it were me, I'd probably try softening him up with a few bullets first, but I wouldn't be caught dead or undead in the Magic Eyes Jesus RV, so it's a moot point, I'd say. Anyway, the beating of Kubrick's hideous heart give him away, so I suppose it's only fitting that Gordon whirls and sticks his hand right through Kubrick's chest, causing the ticker to wind down for good. Kubrick expires on Gordon's shoulder, and Gordon whispers, "I'm sorry." Don't be! That RULED!

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