So, Whackjob Gordon's out of the joint, and after handing an ancient and invaluable hoodoo charm over to Posh Bela in exchange for dirt on Our Intrepid Heroes' current location, he and Krazy Kubrick chase down Sam and Dean, fully intent upon plugging both of the boys full of holes, but none of that is important at all. Nope, what's important is that the lonely and vengeful vampire the boys are hunting at the moment infects Gordon, thereby most brilliantly turning the lunatic into the very thing he hates most in the world, and it only gets even more awesome from there when Gordon escapes the vampire's lair (after ripping the heads off two of the vamp's freshly created "daughters" with his bare hands, by the way) and munches on a hapless motorist before retreating to Krazy Kubrick's Magic Eyes Jesus RV, where he confesses everything to his batshit friend right before punching a hole through the guy's rib cage with his fist and ripping out Kubrick's heart. And then? He lures the boys to an abandoned riverfront warehouse, separates them from each other, and speechifies at Darling Sammy for so long, Sam has little choice but to snatch up a length of razor wire, wrap it around Gordon's neck, and pull until Gordon's head pops off! This is, like, the best episode of any television show, ever!
And that's not all! On the fraternal front, Sam and Dean finally -- finally -- drop all of the bullshit pretense and aggravatingly macho bravado that's marred the season thus far to level with each other regarding Dean's imminent demise, with Darling Sammy delivering a most heartfelt monologue on the value he finds in their relationship and how much losing Dean is going to suck, and Dashing El Deano -- grab a Kleenex -- teaching Sam how to fix the Impala. I...I think I have something in my eye.
By far the best episode they've produced in months. Do you think Sera Gamble would say yes if I asked her to marry me?
Demian and Raoul are taking a much-deserved vacation after last week's torture of an episode. It doesn't seem fair that as a result, I got hold of the best episode of the season, but I seem to have undue luck with that kind of thing, as Joe R will be only too bitter to tell you. ["Joe R is still not speaking to you. As you know." -- Joe R] Maybe I should check my possessions for a cursed rabbit's foot. Speaking of...
Then: Heh, like you need me to tell you what's happened on this show. Whackjob Gordon, Posh Bela -- let's get to it.
Now: Posh Bela, carrying a metal-plated briefcase, remotely unlocks her car, which is parked in some grassy, secluded-looking spot that makes me think she's been up to something of her typical dubious ethical standards. When she reaches her vehicle, she's startled to see Whackjob Gordon reflected in the window, but she quickly recovers, turning and telling him that it's rude to sneak up on people. He calls her by name, and she replies, "You have me at a disadvantage." Call it payback for subjecting him to that ridiculous accent of yours, hon. When Gordon identifies himself, Bela's smile fades for a moment as she tries to gauge just how much trouble she might be in here, but she opens the door and makes some small talk to try to cover the fact that she's about to go for her gun. You'd have to work fairly hard to come up with a reason why she'd have left her piece in the car while she went to conduct the type of business that's normal for her, but I suppose it's not impossible, so let's move on to the part where she leans in to put the briefcase on the passenger seat; Gordon then spares her the ignominy of opening the glove compartment and finding it empty when he produces her weapon from inside his jacket. Oh, I suppose I should mention that Gordon's explanation for no longer being in prison is that he "got out." Hey, if the show isn't even going to try, is the substitute recapper really supposed to? Gordon tells Bela he knows she was just in Massachusetts with the Winchesters (...really? How?), removes the cartridge from Bela's gun, and then draws his own weapon and demands to know where the boys are, and when Bela stalls by asking why he needs to find them so urgently, he tells her that Sam is the Antichrist. Bela: "I'd heard something about that. From my good friend, the Easter Bunny, who'd heard it from the Tooth Fairy." She took the line too far, both because it didn't need a second punchline and because she could have stopped making my ears bleed two seconds earlier. However, I'll grant her overall point -- Gordon is nuts. She tells him that they don't know each other very well, but she doesn't respond well to threats. I don't know her very well either, and I'd like to keep it that way by seeing how she responds to a bullet between the tits being the bit of new information about her I learn. Her point, however, is that he'd do better to make her an offer. He says he'll kill her in no uncertain terms, but she calls his bluff. "Good luck finding Sam and Dean." I really don't see how it makes sense that he was able to track her down, but not the boys, and I also don't know why he doesn't see if plugging her in the kneecap might make her attitude a bit more tractable, but I'll let it go in favor of getting to the part where Bela sees that Gordon's got something interesting tied to his belt, and she tells him that if he gives her "the mojo bag" they've got a deal. He tries to protest, given that the thing is priceless, but she's unmoved, so he tosses it over. She then gets out her cell phone and hits a button. "Hello, Dean? Hey, where are you?" As I've no doubt already made clear, there are many, many things I don't buy about this scene, such as that even Dean would be dumb enough to reveal his location to someone as treacherous as Bela. But that's not important. What is important is that my cries of "OH MY GOD KILL HER" are drowned out by the title card and the METAL TEETH CHOMP!