Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 14 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
It's The Hardy Boys' Party

So that brave tacky dimwitted cheap sexist asshole douchebag Dickless steps up to the jittery, choking ghost echo and LIES that he and the rest of the GHOSTFACERS really really really really loved Poor Little Dead Fey Corbett -- but Dickless especially, if you know what he means -- and Poor Little Dead Fey Corbett snaps out of it. Got it? Good.

Basement. Daggett attacks again, but just as he's about to pounce on Spruce, Poor Little Dead Fey Corbett materializes and flies at Daggett's form, tackling him into a poorly filmed spectral tussle that -- if history is anything to go by on this show -- ends up destroying them both. So, lemme see if I got this right: Not only is the only gay guy the only one who gets slaughtered, he's then expected to sacrifice his eternal soul so the straight people can live. And he does it. Gotcha.

THIS SHOW BLOWS, AND I WANT TO DIE.

Aftermath. There follows a summation, via voice over, from Dickless and Dick in which they briefly recount the evening's events before the cameras cut away from the artfully lit early daylight scenes on The Morton House lawn before we head back to the tuxedoed tacky dimwitted homophobic cheap sexist asshole douchebags on their plaid monstrosities so they might offer a supposed tribute to Poor Little Dead Fey Corbett that ends with this: "All this time, you were teaching us...about how gay love can pierce through the wall of death and save the day."

It's no "I Love My Dead Gay Son", and that's all I have to say about that.

And then the entire unsolicited pilot closes on so-called confessional footage of Not-Yet-Dead Gay Corbett, late on the afternoon of February 28th, as he's packing their gear into the van for that night's adventure. At Spruce's prompting, he admits, "I think tonight -- I really do -- I think tonight, all our dreams are gonna come true." The frame freezes on him smiling, then dissolves into a dedication card that refers to him as "King Of The Impossible."

The camera tracks back to reveal that dedication's actually on a flat-screen computer monitor, and we're finally -- FINALLY -- and at long last out of that GHOSTFACERS bullshit and back into the show I actually agreed to recap. Sam and Dean, who finagled a couple of invites to this final, private, pre-distribution screening, sit with mouths agape, appropriately appalled by the supposed tribute they've just been forced to witness. "It's bizarre," Sam brightly and sarcastically admits when prompted for a compliment, "how y'all are able to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death! Well done!" Needless to say, Sam's sarcasm is completely lost on the surrounding assholes. Meanwhile, Dean's surreptitiously reached into the small duffel at his feet to fiddle around with something in his bag. And after a few more snottily toned exchanges, Sam and Dean finally exit the garage, leaving the assembled asshole idiots to their own devices. As Spruce toddles off to burn some DVDs of the finalized pilot, Dickless notes that "Menudo left their dance bag behind." Snickers over The Wit Of The Dickless abound until Dickless reaches into Dean's duffel and pulls out a copper contraption that he somehow inadvertently activates. Every piece of computerized equipment in the garage instantly erases itself, destroying, of course, all copies of these choads' masterpiece.

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Supernatural

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