The Winchesters get wind of some funky murders in this week's Anytown, USA, where the eyes of the seemingly unconnected victims were burned right out of their sockets. When they question the widower of one victim, they learn his wife had been acting strangely for the week leading up to her death, collecting bits of dirt from all over town and showing off her brand-new, all-black eyes. The trail leads them to a PhD candidate who's been working to reconstruct an old map of the town. Up to now, the story has been a bit slow. But then, while the Winchesters are hanging out with the budding cartographer, a bunch of demons barge in to take possession of her map. Fisticuffs ensue! In the middle of the fight, Castiel materializes to pretty up the scenery a bit. And also to smite him some demons.
One of the demons escapes into the cartographer, so Castiel ties her up and tortures her a bit. Dean's all, "My angel came!" But Castiel's like, "I didn't come for you." And Dean's like, "Frowny face!" Castiel and the demons are all looking for Lucifer's secret crypts. Under Naomi's control, he lies and says he's hunting for something that will allow them to finish translating the Demon Tablet. He learns that the other demons have a hostage who is feeding them info about the crypts. Castiel kills the possessed cartographer before she can blab the truth about his real intentions. Dean is suspicious, to say the least.
They track down the hostage, who turns out to be none other than Meg the demon. They rescue her, she flirts with Castiel, Castiel flirts back. They make tentative plans to have unholy nookie once she can get a hot oil treatment for her crazy hair. They all head over to the local crypt. If you were expecting something really creepy and sinisterly majestic, you'll be disappointed. It's not much more than a dusty old storage shed. Once there, it becomes clear that Castiel is actually looking for the Angel Tablet. When Dean doesn't hand it over, Castiel beats the snot out of him. Naomi commands Castiel to kill Dean, but he can't bring himself to do it, even though Naomi has been training him to kill imaginary Deans for months now. Naomi tells him to choose. "Them or us!" He chooses Dean -- er, humanity. When he picks up the tablet, it seems like his connection to Naomi is completely severed. Castiel flits off with the tablet, saying he has to protect it not only from Heaven, but from Dean as well. For some reason, this involves him taking the bus.
Meanwhile, Crowley shows up to taunt Sam and kill Meg. We all knew she was doomed once she started penciling in that booty call with Castiel, right? It's actually a little bit sad, even knowing all that Meg has done over the years.
In other subplots, Sam's trialberculosis is rapidly worsening. Castiel says he's been changed on a subatomic level, and damaged in ways that even he can't heal. Sam and Dean actually manage to have a mature discussion about the importance of telling the truth that doesn't end with Sam flaring his nostrils. Stay tuned for the full recap, where I'll go into more detail about this and other surprising developments.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.
THEN! The Winchesters met a demon named Meg. Among her hobbies were killing the their friends, giving Castiel nicknames, and speaking in a weirdly slurry kind of way. Castiel managed to overlook all this and planted a big kiss on her, declaring, "I learned that from the pizza man!" I had to cast back into my memory to figure out when Castiel got kissing lessons from a pizza man, then remembered he was referring to some porn he'd peeped. It eventually behooved Meg to work with the Winchesters, rather than against them, which put her on Crowley's bad side. In this season's plot developments, Castiel got drilled by an angel named Naomi, and not in the pizza man way. She brainwashed him into killing Heaven's Most Adorable Angel in order to keep safe her deep, dark secrets. Or something. Crowley had already learned of the existence of the Angel Tablet by that point, so the only people in the dark were Sam and Dean. But the show couldn't have them knowing about the Angel Tablet while they were still hot and heavy after the Demon Tablet, which God's Grubbiest Prophet was hard at work translating. With GGP's help, Sam and Dean undertook the first of three trials that had to be completed before they should shut the Gates of Hell. Dean was raring to take on the trials himself, but Sam beat him to the punch by killing a hellhound and subjecting himself to what looked like squid ink bukkake. As a result, Sam contracted an STD (satanically-transmitted disease) and started coughing up blood. Dean prayed to Castiel about this, but got no reply from his very own personal angel.
NOW! Dean Winchester skulks around the darkened interior of some random plant or factory. Unlike the random plants and factories we usually see on this show, this one seems rather shiny and clean and new. This is our first hint that something is Very Weird. Where's the rust to which we've become accustomed? The oozing oils of unknown origin? He has his gun at the ready, but his weapon proves useless when an unseen foe knocks him to the ground from behind. Castiel advances on him from the shadows. "No, Cass," Dean pleads, raising one hand in a useless gesture for mercy. Castiel grabs his wrist and snaps the bones. With his other hand, he produces his All-Purpose Angel Sword.