Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 6 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Mock The World Turtle

So, where was I? Oh, yeah: Kali and her tragically off-center skirt insinuate themselves into Gabriel's lap, and she slowly reaches inside his jacket to filch The Errant Archangel's angel-smiting scimitar. D'OH! General consternation abounds amongst the other pagans present, so Gabriel just tosses his hands into the air all, "Okay! Okay, so I got wings -- like Kotex -- but that doesn't make me any less right about Lucifer!" "He's lying," Kali whispers, looking more than a little heartbroken as she says it. "He's a spy!" "I'm a runaway," Gabriel corrects her, "and I'm trying to save you." "I know my brother, Kali," he continues, "and he should scare the living crap out of you -- you can't beat him!" Gabriel's "skipped ahead," you see, and he already knows how this whole story ends. "Your story," Kali protests, "not ours." "Westerners!" she exclaims with a mix of amazement and disgust. "I swear, the sheer arrogance! You think you're the only ones on Earth? You pillage and you butcher in your God's name, but you're not the only religion, and He's not the only God, and now you think you can just rip the planet apart? You're wrong." Kali's starting to tear up by this point, and I'd like to think it's out of some sort of righteous indignation at the brutal injustices her worshippers have suffered over the centuries, but I know that's not it, because she's a pagan deity, and like all of the other pagan deities on this show, that means she's nothing more than some monster out of folklore who's survived thousands of years by leeching off the human race. "There are billions of us, and we were here first," she continues, her voice quavering a bit with emotion, and while some on the boards have argued she's speaking of the billions of people who worship the non-Abrahamic gods, she's really just talking about the monsters. As proven by the hint of vicious jealousy that comes through in her final statement, perhaps: "If anyone gets to end this world, it's me." And whatever the problems I might have with this episode -- and there are many -- Rekha Sharma's performance, especially of that speech, is not among them. It's good Kali ended up making it out of this mess alive. "Shhhhh!! Spoiler!! [Hic!]" Have another cocktail, Raoul. "Okay!! [Slurp!]" In any event, her justification of pagan opposition to The Judeo-Christian Apocalypse thus so nicely delivered, Kali gently apologizes to Gabriel, then skewers him with his own blade, mainly just to prove to the others that Archangels can, indeed, die.

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