Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 2 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Cough Up A Hairball

The next morning, we get some more stock photography of the lovely city's lovely skyline before ducking inside onto an upper floor of one of the taller buildings. Maddie, just now arriving at work, slings her purse down on the counter in the employees' kitchenette, retrieves the glass carafe from the coffee maker, and saunters over to the water cooler to fill it. In an arty little sequence of shots and sound effects, as Maddie notices something amiss off-camera, the action on screen -- including the water pouring into the carafe -- grinds down into slow motion just as the sound does the same -- including, again, the sound effect of the water pouring into the carafe. Maddie's breathing slowly increases in volume to drown everything else out for a moment before the action gears back up into real time as the shot cuts around to give us her point-of-view of a white conference room door, slightly ajar, with a lurid splash of blood above the handle. As Maddie draws closer, she spots a small bloodstain on the beige carpeting beyond, followed quickly by a far larger one. She lifts her eyes from the floor to focus on a now-visible man's hand, limp and positively crimson with defensive wounds. Involuntarily hitching her breath in dread, Maddie eases open the conference room door to find... "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep. Nate, her boss, lies spread-eagle on his back, draped across the conference room table with his entire torso from neck to waist a gruesome series of bloody gashes sliced straight through his flesh to the bone beneath, the jagged strips of skin ripped back to expose various julienned internal organs. It is awesome. "You can say that again!" Shocked almost senseless by this display, Maddie involuntarily relaxes her fingers, and the glass carafe drops from her hand in slow motion to shatter on the hallway's tiles just as Maddie lets loose with a mighty howl of terror that's quickly gobbled up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, as is his wont, before he turns in his overstuffed armchair to chide, "'Delightful'! Maddie was 'shocked almost senseless by this delightful display'! Where on earth did you learn to write, you silly, useless little man?"

Some time later, the San Francisco city coroner slides open the cooler drawer containing Nate's ineptly reseamed earthly remains with a cheery-sounding, "Here he is, detective!" The detective in question is, of course, none other than that darling LYING LIAR WHO LIES, Sam, who ignores entirely the puckered bits of flesh protruding around the thick carpet thread they apparently used to stitch the guy back up in favor of noting the "pretty nasty bite" on Nate's neck. "You know what bit him?" he asks. The coroner offers him a studiously noncommittal response, so Sam calls her on it, inviting her to level with him off the record. The coroner raises her eyebrows into the air for a moment, evaluating his trustworthiness, I suppose, before relenting. "Way, way off the record, if I didn't know better, I'd say the guy was attacked by a wolf. But unless I know the zoo is missing one of their lobos, I'm going with pit bull." Darling Sammy thanks her for her candor before wondering if she found the deceased's heart missing as well. Why, she did indeed! However could Darling Sammy have guessed? "He's a psychic?!" Raoul shrieks, attempting to be helpful. Thanks, hon, but she doesn't know that. "Oh! Ooops! Nevermind!" Darling Sammy smilingly suggests it was merely a lucky guess, and the two direct their attention back towards the mottled and puckery Frankenstein corpse in the drawer until...

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