Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Cough Up A Hairball

Of course, an hour later, he's hooked -- the jacket's come off, and he's leaning forward, straining to hang on every word of dialogue coming out of the characters' mouths until the closing credits roll by on the screen. "Wait!" he protests, looking for all the world like a woefully confused puppy. "So, Kendall married Ethan's father just to get back at him?" "Yep," Maddie confirms, "and now she's set to inherit all of the casinos that were supposed to go to Ethan." Sam takes this mind-boggling news in for a moment, then turns back to the TV to announce, "What a biiiiitch!" Hee. Adorable! In any event, after Maddie teases him some more about getting addicted a soap opera, the two settle back onto the sofa for a little "getting to know you before I toss you up against a wall and hump you" heart-to-heart that I have neither the time nor the inclination to transcribe, mainly because it amounts to little more than some additional expository blather regarding Maddie's life up to this point. The interesting bit is this: She freely admits she put up with Kurt's abusive ways because she lacked the necessary amounts of self esteem and confidence to cut him out of her life once and for all, but all that changed for the better when she got mugged. Sam hoists his eyebrows heavenward and blinks, "That's supposed to be a good thing?" "It sounds strange," Maddie grins at Sam's intentionally exaggerated disbelief, "and don't get me wrong, it rattled me, but then it hit me: I could keep feeling sorry for myself, or I could take control of my life." "I chose the latter," she continues, "and the first thing I did was tell Kurt he had to go." After that, "everything just opened up" for her. "Blossomed," she concludes. They both agree this is A Very Good Thing, and they flirt with each other some more -- Sam clearly becoming more deeply enamored of her with each passing sentence -- until the chirping of Sam's phone rudely interrupts. It's Dean, and he's calling from ringside at a strip club, where he has one eye glued to the derriere of the woman above him while the other's affixed to Kurt, who's morosely sucking down a beer while glowering up at the same pole dancer as Dean. Dean leeringly promises not to let Kurt out of his sight, and the two hang up on each other.

Later that evening as the full moon rises above the city, Maddie announces she's hitting the sack, and hints quite obviously that she'd not be averse to the idea of Sam hitting it with her. Sam, completely oblivious, simply assures her that he'll be right there in the living room keeping an eye out for her violent ex-boyfriend like the good little Boy Scout he is in case she needs anything. Oh, Sam. Meanwhile, Maddie's bizarre and disturbing eyes decide to have a brief chat about the situation. "Jesus, he's hot," opines the wonky one. "I think." "Oh, he is," the non-wonky one confirms for its somewhat disabled partner, "but he is such a fucking dumbass." After Maddie's bizarre and disturbing eyes transmit a few more longing glances that whiff completely over Darling And Dumb Sammy's head, Maddie and Her Eyes disappear into the boudoir, alone.

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