Recaplet for healthy people who prefer not to dwell: Show Barnes is back! Castiel is still pretty! Dean's back is naked! He and Sam cry pretty, pretty tears! The end!
Recaplet for people who feel the need to flog and punish themselves with the all the SUCK that was this episode: Ugh. Man, I've watched it twice already (the things I do for my dear friend Demian – okay, and for a buck) and there's no summing it up, without thinking about it, and I really don't want to think about it. Why can't you people be satisfied with the above recapletette? Fine. Torture yourselves, and me. But don't be surprised if you end up feeling like you spent the night on Alastair's rack.
We pick up where we left off after last week's actual episode of Supernatural. The angels want to kill young Angel-Radio Anna and the demons want to save her. Sam, Dean and Ruby face off with Castiel and Uriel, but they're clearly outmatched. Ruby gets smacked around. Dean gets smacked around. Sammy gets two fingers to the forehead. Anna does a blood spell which blasts the angels out of the building. She doesn't know how she knew it. It just came to her.
The boys go to Bobby's, but he's not there, because he's a very smart man who knew to avoid this hot mess of an episode. They stow Anna in the cast iron safe room (coated with salt which ought to be corroding it, but let's forget about that). They leave the door to it open, which seems to negate the point of the safe room, and leave Ruby to guard Anna, even though she can't go in the room should Anna require any assistance, on account of Ruby BEING A DEMON AND ALL. Yeah. No. Whatever. Ruby tosses in a hex bag that will help hide Anna from angels and demons alike.
After finding information that indicates Anna had psychiatric problems as a toddler (which she can't remember), Dean brings the now eyeless Show Barnes to Bobby's. She grabs Sam's ass, because she has priorities, then hypnotizes Anna, because that's psychic, right? Anna has the usual traumatic experience while she's under and when she wakes, we learn she was an angel. She wanted to feel, or whatever, so she cut her own grace out of her (don't try to understand it; it will hurt less) cast it down, and fell like a comet to... Ohio. Sam does some astronomical research and figures Anna's grace landed in neighboring Kentucky, because there's a miraculous oak tree there. (I SWEAR I AM NOT SUBSTITUTING FAN FIC FOR THIS RECAPLET.) Anna can tell her grace was there, but now it's not. At some point she and Dean have the sex, but there's no passion leading up to it, so it turns out more like a Supernatural/Titanic crossover AU song fic, set to Bad Company's, "Are You Ready For Love."
Uriel appears to Dean in a dream, teases him about having a slice of Angel Food Cake, and reveals he wears Anna's grace in an amulet around his neck. (No, still not writing fan fic, here.) He issues vague threats to Dean, and makes noise about Dean caving to threats if they hit his soft spot (which we all know is 6 feet 13 inches tall and goes by the name "Sammy").
After Ruby compares being stuck between the forces of Heaven and Hell with being stuck between Godzilla and Mothra, Sam gets ideas. No, not sexy ones. Ruby summons Alastair, who will now be played by the poor man's Marlon Brando. Alastair tortures her in a gratuitous scene which makes me feel bad for Ms. Cortese. Ruby makes a deal with him. She'll lead him to Anna, if he'll spare her, Sam and Dean. Meanwhile, Dean leads Castiel and Uriel to Anna, on the condition that they'll spare Sam. But it's all a set-up, so that they can get the angels and demons fighting, and Anna can snatch back her grace -- which she does. She smashes the amulet. The grace fills her up, and kills all the demons in the room, except Ruby, which makes no sense. Uriel tells Dean, "This isn't over," and then he and Castiel disappear, making it sort of... over.
The episode ends with a scene way better than it deserves. Sam and Dean are alone, drinking beers, and Dean tells Sam all about Hell. Four months on earth equals 40 years in Hell. Every day, Alastair chopped him up into bitty pieces until there was nothing left, and every night he told Dean he would not relent until Dean agreed to give the same treatment to other suffering souls. Dean resisted for 30 years, before he gave in and turned torturer. Dean and Sam cry, and Dean wishes he couldn't feel anything. He should totally watch this episode!
Supernatural will be back with all new episodes beginning January 15, 2009. Let's all try to forget about this one between now and then.
[On the other hand, if this episode was right up your alley, I highly recommend reading some Hellblazer or Preacher comics. - Zach]
There's no sense denying it. I love you. I love Dean, Sam and Metallicar; Bobby, Castiel, that nasty curmudgeon Uriel, and...I even like Ruby now, and will admit it right here in black and white. Show, I really thought we had something between us. You've been so good to me while Demian's been recovering from Lollipop Disease. And I think I've been pretty good to you, too. I mean I've given you three A grades; two A- grades; a B+; a B; and a B-. I even admitted my pity right here on Television Without.... So my point, and I do have one is...
Why'd you have to go and do... this? Why would you? How could you? I'll admit it -- during these idyllic weeks, sure there were times I fantasized about getting an episode worthy of the full TWoP treatment, but I never wanted... this. It's not like you're Baywatch Nights. I want you to thrive. I want you to succeed. I root for you, not for your demise.
And Demian's readers, who have been so patient with and encouraging of me -- they love you, too. You're not Charmed or Seventh Heaven, to them. They don't read TWoP's Supernatural recaps as if they were salivating for another sound beat-down of a show that should have gone off the air years prior. They read our recaps because they can't get enough of this story and these characters. Now don't misunderstand me -- they love some pitiless mockery as well as any other TWoP reader -- but they want it to come from a place of love -- much like the mockery between the Brothers Winchester, themselves. Your fans are always in your corner, hoping you'll never deserve a sound thrashing, but...
This time? You do. And yet, I've flat-out deleted my first umpteenth attempts to recap this episode, because I take no joy in this. There's so much more to say, but perhaps the best way to say it, is in the format with which we're all familiar. So, and without further ado, please know this hurts me, more than it will hurt you. (Oh my word, you're making me stress-rhyme, you turd.)
THEN! It's quite a fierce and terrible site, as Brunette Lilith's eyes go all milky white. Blonde Lilith the Second gives Deano a hug, back when this recapper felt oh so smug. Angel-Radio Anna tells all to her shrink, which *so* will not help her get out of the clink. It seems that Lilith is breaking seals hither and yon -- to free Lucifer, who's bored in Hell without John. Anna knocks out an orderly via telekinesis, then escapes the nuthatch, before she inspires a thesis. Ruby tells Dean and Sam about the demons and Anna. The boys meet Show Barnes, whose sass sustains us like manna. She invokes Castiel -- a terrible mistake. For one unbidden look is all it does take. When she won't be warned off, he blinds her with séance. A punishment too harsh for her lack of obeisance. Angel-Radio Anna recounts Dean's recent sad story, 'though he's all too familiar with that tale oh so sorry. We meet a specialist angel -- he's called Uriel. He comes straight from Heaven, but is meaner than Hell. Alastair greets his long lost pal, Dean. Perhaps it's time for our boy to come clean. Anna warns, "They're coming," as some force does advance. Our Winchesters assume a warrior's stance. With Ruby they're ready to face down all Hell, but are met by dear Cas and that crank, Uriel. Sam asks for their help, 'cause he's that kind of guy, but Castiel informs him that Anna must die.