We open at night, in Richardson, Texas, two months ago. Four teens, three boys and one girl, walk through a spooky forest, coming upon a ramshackle and falling-down house. They pause outside to discuss how they are SO not going in the house, before...heading into the house. If these people are "teenagers" then I'm a twice-baked potato. As they head in, one of the forty-year-old men asks the thirty-five-year-old woman if she wants him to hold her hand. She lets him, but when he asks if he can hold "any other parts," she punches him in the arm. He says, "Ow, my arthritis!" Once inside, they find lots of strange symbols painted on the walls and floors. The leader-seeming kid exposits, "They say it lives in the root cellar. Goes after girls. Just strings them up." One of the other kids calls bullshit on the first kid's whole "they." He challenges him over where he's heard the legend. Leader Boy claims that he heard it from his cousin. The Skeptic grabs the flashlight and heads for the root cellar because Leader Boy's story is so unconvincing. The lady just stands around having blonde hair.

Once down there, The Skeptic snarks, "Oooh, the evil root cellar. Where Satan cans all his vegetables." Come to think of it, canned vegetables probably do have some sort of connection with the First Evil. The rest of them join The Skeptic downstairs; he faces them and goes on and on about how it isn't even scary down there and how it's just a "crap farmhouse" and holds the flashlight under his chin and makes goofy faces. Of course, all the while, we keep cutting to the stunned and frightened faces of the other three geriatric teens. So The Skeptic finally asks them what the problem is, turns around, and finds a young woman strung up and dead. Screaming. Zappy credits.

Blue Oyster Cult plays on the soundtrack. The Metallicar drives down a two-lane back road. The captions tell us that we're looking at Interstate 35. Which, as an interstate, probably has more than two lanes. I just feel so...tired. Why specify the road? Dean drives while Sam snoozes in the passenger seat. Dean looks mischievous as he slowly reaches a plastic spoon toward Sam's face. He sneaks the spoon into Sam's half-open snooze mouth, then opens his cell phone and snaps a picture of him. Dean laughs and laughs. Then he turns the radio up and belts out some lyrics and Sam shoots awake. While Dean takes the lead in his own personal high school musical, he also decides to do a little air drumming, which is just cringe-inducing. I think it has something to do with him air-drumming to Blue Oyster Cult.