...Stockville High School. A bevy of nubile young scantily-clad male swim-team members enters the boys' locker room to find two of their compatriots already waiting for them. "Where were you guys?" one of the bevy asks. "I guess we got here early," the first of the two too-casually shrugs while tossing his companion A Look. "Heard something weird come from the showers," the first of the two goes on to note as his companion crosses to close and bolt the locker-room door. "You're gonna get in trouble," one of the bevy warns. The companion spins back from the door to face the others, and as a thin line of bitterly black demonic foulness trickles down from his left eye, the companion smirks, "I probably am!" before latching on to one of the bevy and slamming his head against the cinder-block wall. "VIOLENCE!" howls Raoul, momentarily recovering from his horror-induced paralysis to writhe about atop his overstuffed armchair with delight. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT DOUCHEBAG-SLAUGHTERING VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Now, Raoul -- how do you know they're douchebags? "THEY'RE ON THE SWIM TEAM, AREN'T THEY?!" Um, yes, but wh... "DEATH! DEATH TO THE DOUCHEBAGS ON THE SWIM TEAM!" I think Raoul has issues. In any event, the Leviathanically-enhanced duo makes quick work of the remaining members of the bevy, and we happily sail into this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP! astride a bursting spurt of bright-red arterial spray. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

Back from the break, the camera fades up on the façade of "Sioux Falls General Hospital" before ducking inside to one of the recovery suites, where it finds Sheriff Jody Mills listlessly listening to her mouthy roommate, who's deep in the middle of a paranoid, scare-mongering rant about medical malpractice when she's suddenly interrupted by the arrival of "Doctor Gaines," and long story short, Sheriff Jody's recovering from an emergency appendectomy, so she's going to be quite seriously whacked out on painkillers during the hijinks that are certain to rear their ugly heads at some point later this evening. "Did you know a study showed three-quarters of doctors cheat on their exams?" the mouthy roommate alleges the instant good Doctor Gaines has left the room. "He might not know your appendix from your vagina." Yeah, she'll definitely be dead before the next commercial break. "Whee!"