Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Do Hollywood

In any event, Whiny Walter apologizes in kind and hoists his talisman into the air for a little more Latinating. It's been a very long time, but I believe that when he intones, "Manes omnes, ad me venite," he's saying, "All hands, come to me," so it makes perfect sense for the three remaining ghosts with connections to Stage Nine to appear in a false clearing nearby. In addition to Skippy The Floppy-Skulled Ghoul, we've got a charming lady who looks like what Margaret Hamilton would have ended up as had the crew on The Wizard Of Oz not gotten to that pesky exit fire in time, and an accountant who's left arm ends in a shredded, bloody stump. I'm guessing he's the other suicide. Though why anyone would want to commit suicide by shoving their arm into a wood chipper is beyond me. Then again, I have no idea what a wood chipper would be doing on a soundstage in the first place, so what the hell do I know? Dean immediately raises his sawed-off shotgun and waits for the perfect moment to open fire, but all three of the ghosts unexpectedly buzz and blink and flicker out at the same time. After a nail-biting moment wherein Our Intrepid Heroes shoot tense glances at each other and The Dirty Little Whore Dump, something suddenly hauls all fifteen feet's worth of The Ginormotron into the air and dumps him into the fake dirt. Whiny Walter skedaddles just as Our Intrepid Heroes and The Dirty Little Whore Dump do the same, with the latter group racing across the set into the faux-stone cabin, slamming the door behind them. It is only then that they remember the faux-stone cabin has all of two walls. Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaaah!

Sam restrategizes and realizes that if the movie cameras can pick up an otherwise invisible ghost's image, so can his product-placed Verizon Motorola Q. So, he scans the set and quickly stumbles across Skippy whom Dean promptly blasts into a spray of rapidly vanishing bits of ectoplasm. After a bit more of this, they dispatch The Wicked Witch Of Stage Nine. As Dean reloads, Whiny Walter skitters across the catwalk far above their heads, so Sam shoves the product-placed camera phone into The Dirty Little Whore Dump's hand to scan for The One-Armed Accountant while Sam himself chases after Whiny Walter to retrieve the talisman that's controlling all of this crazy shit. Just as El Deano wastes The One-Armed Accountant...

...Whiny Walter plunges headlong out of the soundstage door and straight into The Ginormotron's remarkably broad chest. Well, almost. You know if it was me, though, I'd keep running until I actually did slam into Darling Sammy's remarkably broad chest. Sigh. "TRAMP!" Oh, leave me alone. "Turnabout is fair play!" In any event, Whiny Walter smashes the talisman onto the asphalt rather than surrender it to Sam, and that was a very bad move indeed for Whiny Walter, because the talisman was the only thing keeping the spirits -- enraged as they are from being dragged back to earth from the afterlife to off Walter's supposed enemies -- from attacking Walter himself, which they promptly do. Invisibly, of course, but the just-arrived Dirty Little Whore Dump deploys Sam's trusty product-placed Verizon Motorola Q so we might get the briefest of glimpses of the angry trio clawing Whiny Walter's internal organs out through his back with their bare hands. Is that blood CGI? "RIP OFF!" Whiny Walter's gurgling screams quickly disappear into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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