Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Do Hollywood

In any event, Gary Cole ducks off around the corner behind part of the woodland set, completely oblivious to the black-and-white woman lurking behind him. As he whips out his Blackberry, however, he catches sight of her in the corner of his eye, and the camera focuses in on her at the same time he does from his place in the foreground of the shot. Our new guest happens to be a petite little thing on the very far side of thirty who sports both an old-fashioned crimp in her jet-black hair and a rather timeless strangulation rope burn around her neck. She maintains an almost taunting smile on her face as Gary Cole obliviously bends down to inspect her wound, blathering all the while, "I like the whole body-paint black-and-white thing, but gee -- I don't think those neck wounds are really gonna read on camera." He foolishly turns his back on her to call for makeup, and once he's moved a few feet away from her, our spectral friend swooshes in a blur right up behind him to tap him coyly on his shoulder. Once she's regained his attention, she unfastens the sash around her waist with a saucily deliberate flourish and lets her filmy little robe drop to the ground. She is, of course, entirely naked underneath, and when she turns to saunter up the stairs to a secluded bit of scaffolding far above the soundstage floor, Gary Cole immediately follows, because Gary Cole is yet another doomed heterosexual moron who's too stupid to note that nothing this creature's done since she appeared has made any sound at all. DUN!

Back on the set, the bimbo and the fratboy run through the scene again -- the dialogue this time around incorporating Gary Cole's clueless notes about supernatural super-hearing, which would be somewhat amusing were it not so horribly depressing -- when the scene's abruptly interrupted by something dropping into the set from above. Whatever it happens to be sends The Unctuous McG reeling backwards from his monitor with a startled shout just as the bimbo finally blows past her initial shock at the sight to let loose with one of those full-throated screams we like so much. The Bimbo and The Fratboy take off in opposite yet equally horrified directions as the camera finally manages to land on the spinning, spasmodically jerking form of Gary Cole, which has been suspended from the scaffolding above by a lengthy noose. "The spasmodic jerking is simply tremendous," shrieks Raoul, "but still I'll be holding my tongue until we reach that glorious wind machine!" That's holding your tongue? "Stop talking to me, you nasty little man, and get back to the recap!" Okay! Yeesh. Anyway, once the spasmodic jerking stops, Dead Gary Cole swings around for a bit longer until his shoes get tangled up on the set's sofa. The Bluetooth drops from the corpse's ear to blare out busy signal as The Unctuous McG stares on in horror, and we swoop in for one last, lingering shot of Dead Gary Cole's face before corpse and noose alike are devoured by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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