Supernatural

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The Lord God Your Hardy Boys

Inside the frat house, a dopey-looking guy is painting himself blue. (I'm not letting the Dali hypothesis go just quite yet). Dean introduces them as this guy's new roommates. The dopey guy is cool with that, he just needs a little help painting his back. Dean offers Sam's services, "The things he can do with a brush." Um, what is "Certainly not groom his own damn head," Alex? That is correct for one thousand! Then I'll take "Things Dean Says That Confirm How Threatened His Masculinity Is" for four hundred.

Dean makes himself comfortable and launches right into it. "So is it true?" The dopey blue guy sort of grimaces to represent how sad he is one of his bros got killed last week but then launches right into telling the brothers that this bro was with, "not just any girl...Lori Sorenson" when he got iced. Meanwhile, Dean tells Sam that he's missed a spot. Sam glances at Dean and clenches his jaw, Dean fights back a smile, and they are both so cute with their little facial emoting! Dopey Blue Guy continues to add "Exposition Wizard" to his resume as he informs Dean and Sam that the theory is that a psycho with a knife killed Rich, and that Lori Sorenson is extra hot because she's a local reverend's daughter.

Cut to the inside of a church where the Rev is sermonizing about the horrible tragedy that befell Rich. The Rev is unfortunately not in John Lithgow mode, proposing that to prevent further young person misconduct the town must obviously ban allowing teenagers the use of their legs, but instead in regular old Rev mode, talking about how sad it is when a young person dies. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean have entered the church, Dean bringing up the rear (heh) and, of course, letting the church door bang close, causing the whole congregation to turn around and stare at the leather-coated heathens. They slink into a back pew, Plain Jane keeps eyeing Sam, who gives her a quick smile. When the Rev instructs everyone to pray, everyone's head goes down except Dean. Sam elbows him and he complies. I say he's praying for the strength not to break into a vacant old barn somewhere, don some hightop Reeboks, tight roll his jeans and break into an acrobatic jazz routine the likes of which Iowa hasn't seen since 1984.

As the congregants exit church, Plain Jane tells Slut Bag that she "can't on Sunday night" because her father makes dinner. What, pray tell, can she not do with Slut Bag? Oh, "do tequila shots and watch Reality Bites." At first I had a kneejerk reaction where I felt required to scoff at this proposition, but, dude, sign me up (especially if I can do lemon drops instead of tequila). Slut Bag tries to cajole Plain Jane, assuring her friend that even though it's been rough she "can still have fun." Plain Jane stands her ground, so Slut Bag gives her a hug and flashes her breasts at the Methodists, screams "Don't Bogart that can, man!" jabs some finger guns toward Plain Jane and exits the scene. Again: is this all Dali's fault? The boys come up behind Plain Jane, introduce themselves as new students, and offer their condolences. Sam tells her that he knows how she feels, having seen someone get hurt once himself. The Rev approaches, and Plain Jane makes introductions. Dean compliments his sermon and the Rev intones that "it's so nice to find young people that are open to the Lord's message." Dean decides to draw the Rev away so that Sam can find out if Plain Jane is "open to the Lord's message" if you know what I'm sayin'.

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Supernatural

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