The LYING LIARS WHO LIE invite instant immolation via divine retribution by LYING to one good "Father Reynolds" -- down the church's main aisle, under the watchful eyes of countless stained-glass saints, and in full view of Our Lord Jesus Christ bleeding on the cross for their many, many sins -- that they're new arrivals in town interested in joining the parish, and there follows an absolutely endless exchange regarding The Nature Of Angels that somehow manages both to exalt Michael The Archangel by running through his greatest hits and to debase him by associating him with this episode. It must be noted, however, that Father Reynolds seems like a fairly decent human being. And after we're done with all that, Father Reynolds escorts the filthy, blasphemous LIARS onto the church's front steps, where eagle-eyed Dean notices a massive makeshift memorial adjacent to the sidewalk below. Our Intrepid Heroes learn that a certain "Father Gregory," priest of the parish, was gunned down for his car keys two months ago on that very spot, and was subsequently interred in the parish's crypt. "I didn't even have time to administer his Last Rites," Father Reynolds regrets. "Ever since he died, I've been praying my heart out," he then confides, "for deliverance from the violence and the bloodshed around here." "We could use a little divine intervention, I suppose," he shrugs with a kind tone, being very glass-half-full about the decaying hell the surrounding neighborhood in Central Providence has become. Meanwhile, El Deano's keen little mind has been quietly working itself into a frenzy over this latest stream of information, and after Father Reynolds bids them a fond farewell and retreats back into his church, Dean wastes not a moment bow-leggedly loping down the stairs to retrieve a small photograph of the recently murdered priest.
I have to get this out of the way now: It's David Monahan -- far better known to me as Gay Tobey from Dawson's Creek -- in priest drag, so there's his character's credibility blown all to hell before he even appears on the screen. Dawson's Creek still ruins everything, even now, four years after it finally went off the air. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes: "It's all starting to make sense," Dean muses while scanning Dead Gay Tobey's grinning mug. "Devoted priest dies a violent death? That's vengeful spirit material, right there, and he knew all the other stiffs 'cause they went to church here -- in fact, I'm willing to bet that because he was their priest, he knew things about them that nobody else knew." "DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!" Raoul shrieks. "DEAN IS EXACTLY CORRECT! Now, could we please skip ahead to the part where Our Dear Boys salt and burn the wretch's bones? PLEASE?!" Oh, Raoul. You know I'm practically powerless when you bat those sensitive and pleading eyes at me, but I'm afraid that long before we get to that point, we have to ignore nearly everything that comes out of Jared Padalecki's mouth for the rest of the evening. For yes, gentle reader, Darling Sammy goes all 700 Club upon our collective asses, spouting about how he prays every day and how angels are real and how Father Reynolds seems to have had his own prayers answered and here's a nickel, Sam. Go call someone who cares. When El Deano's finally had enough of all this God crap, bitch, he orders Sam back inside the church to check out Dead Gay Tobey's grave.