Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Get Touched By An Angel

Adding insult to injury, a smartass cherub gives us all the finger as we pass into the crypt below. Dean obliviously continues into the crypt proper while Sammy draws himself up -- can't say "short" when it's Darling Sammy we're talking about, now can we? -- upon catching a soft murmuring of voices emanating from somewhere in the antechamber. The murmuring's very Wings Of Desire, actually, which is odd, because neither Gloria nor Zack got the same treatment from Dead Gay Tobey when he went to visit them, and it's not like Sam's suddenly transformed into Bruno Ganz listening to people reading to themselves in the Berlin State Library, either. Whatever! A full-length statue of yet another supplicant angel starts jittering and wobbling on its stand, and Sam warily and disbelievingly approaches it until a sudden burst of white light floods the room from somewhere behind him. He turns towards the source and looks up at the unseen entity now materializing before him with equal parts fear and rapture, and pull the other one, show. Like Jared Padalecki, fifteen-foot-tall freak of nature that he is, has to crane his head back to look little David Monahan in the eye.

After yet another CHOMP!-less commercial break, Dean emerges from the crypt proper to find Sam unconscious on the antechamber's floor, and the dramatic underscoring would have us believe this is tense-making and exciting, because like everything else on this godforsaken show, the dramatic underscoring is a LYING LIAR WHO LIES. Dean slaps Sam awake, or something, and drags him up into the church to toss him into a pew so Sam can reveal that he, too, has just been touched by an angel. Which he wasn't, because Dean's been right about the whole stupid thing this entire stupid time, because Sam was actually touched by Dead Gay Tobey, and WE KNOW THIS ALREADY and WHATEVER and MOVING ON. "It's just a spirit, Sam," Dean insists -- correctly again, some more -- "and it's not the first one to be able to read people's minds." And we can keep ignoring every single word now flying out of Jared Padalecki's mouth, because they're all about "God's will" and not about "the dead priest who's telling strippers to kill serial killers," and now we can start ignoring most every word flying out of Jensen Ackles's mouth, because Dean, as it so happens, refuses to believe in angels not because he's never encountered one in his many years of dealing with matters supernatural, but because his poor dead mommy told him that angels would always watch over the family mere moments before The Demon nailed her to the nursery ceiling with a foot-wide gash through her torso and set her on fire. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. Pick one story and stick to it, you wimp. ANY-way, after endless blathering along these lines, Dean drags Sam back down into the crypt, where they find Dead Gay Tobey's grave covered with wormwood, a plant specifically associated with the restless dead. Sam's still on his fucking angel kick, though, so Dean proposes they conduct a séance right there in the crypt to summon Dead Gay Tobey's spirit. If Dead Gay Tobey shows up? Dean's right. And if Dead Gay Tobey doesn't? Dean's still right, because that won't happen, because Dean's been right about the whole stupid thing this entire stupid time. Have you not been paying attention?

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