Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Are Well-Respected Men

Oh, CRAP. The runty little Canadian-accented security guard's taking so long to worm his way out of the elevator cab that they've bounced us back to Dean Smith. "Drat!" Indeed, my impressively fanged and bloodthirsty companion. Indeed. For little happens during the scenelet that follows, aside from Dean Smith finding an old, framed newspaper article from the nonexistent Chicago Post celebrating Sandover Bridge & Iron's role in completing The Lincoln Memorial Bridge in Vincennes, Indiana, that for whatever godawful reason depicts this engineering triumph with a photograph of The Manhattan Bridge. In, you know, Manhattan. NEXT!

Oh, it worked. Thank God. "Hooray!" Back at the elevator, the runty little Canadian-accented security guard's finally managed to make it out and turns, expecting to see Sam Wesson following him, so you can imagine his runty little Canadian-accented aggravation when Sam Wesson too-casually shrugs his remarkably broad shoulders and says, "I'll wait!" "Look," the runty little Canadian-accented security guard seethes, poking his head, shoulders, and arms back into the elevator cab. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "I don't have the rest of my life!" the runty little Canadian-accented security guard continues, ignoring (at his peril, I should note) the imaginary gay dragon on the Internet. And with that? "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, no sooner are those words out of his mouth when the elevator drops about three feet, and an immediate blast of runty little Canadian-accented blood positively paints Sam Wesson's face, neck, and torso when the upper portion of the security guard's body gets guillotined right off the lower, which -- get this -- is still involuntarily kicking its headless legs around out there on the tenth floor. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" And just as those legs kick and spin their most gruesome last, Dean Smith hisses via walkie-talkie, "You okay?" Sam Wesson, shocked and shuddering and gasping and trying to, you know, not suck down the runty little Canadian-accented security guard's blood for Christ's sake, retrieves his cell from his belt and manages to squeak, "I'll call you back!" right before the entire delicious scene's gobbled up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

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