Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Are Well-Respected Men

Inside, Dickbag steps off the elevator on Sandover Bridge & Iron's executive floor (Sandover's "Building The Dream," by the way, and shut up, corporate America) to sweep into his office, and you should also know that the nameplate on Dickbag's door identifies him as "Dean Smith," the director of sales and marketing for SB&I. During the course of the time-lapse day we follow over the next 30 seconds, we learn that this Dean Smith is... well, a dickbag, of course, but a dickbag who enjoys golf, glad-handing, Project Runway, Cobb salad, Excel spreadsheets, and the Master Cleanse diet, so again: He can drop dead any time he feels like it. We also briefly meet "Mr. Adler," his boss, but you can pretty much forget about that guy until the end of the episode. And at the end of the day, Dickbag packs up his briefcase and heads into the elevator, shooting out urgent e-mails from his Blackberry every step of the way like the true asshole he is, until he senses the looming presence of a 15-foot-tall portent of doom at his side. The stumpy little bow-legged bag of dicks lifts his eyes up -- way up -- to offer a casual nod of acknowledgment in The Portent's direction, and it's Sam, of course, as we discover when the camera tracks over across his remarkably broad chest and up -- waaaaaay up -- to his face, but there's a problem, and it's not just due to the fact that the dear boy's wearing a yellow tech-support polo shirt. "Do I know you?" The Ginormogeek squints down at the midget dickbag at his feet. "I don't think so," Dean Smith mumbles, quickly averting his eyes, as he believes he has a pretty good idea where this is going. "Huh!" The Ginormogeek huhs before shrugging and -- with a bit of a laugh -- continuing, "I'm sorry, man, you just look really familiar." Dickbag, clearly not having it, waits for the elevator to reach parking garage level before rolling his eyes and sneering, "Save it for the health club, pal!" as he strides out towards his Prius, and again: Drop dead, Dickbag. For his part, The Ginormogeek simply gapes all the way into the...

...Flutter, Flutter RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, as suits his habit from time to time, I believe, before he twists around slightly on his overstuffed armchair to shoot yours truly A Look. Should I even bother to ask, my impressively fanged companion? "Yes!" Well, what, then? "That was not the elevator scene of which I spoke!" Uh, I didn't think it wa-- "FASTER!" Ow! Raoul! Volume! And you know I have to get through the oth-- "FASTER!" Oh, Jesus.

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