Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Are Well-Respected Men

The next morning, various product recall memos and customer service sheets run through the Xerox and printers at SB&I while an unidentified office drone sharpens a No. 2 before we're flung into cubicle Hell, currently populated by The Ginormogeek and about three dozen of his tech support colleagues. "Sam Wesson" -- and do you get it? You will -- answers one of the blinking lines on his phone and, in a patient yet bored-sounding voice, asks of the caller, "Okay, well, did you try turning it off and then on?" HA! I used to work closely with the tech support guys at my last job, and quite seriously, 85% of the calls they received were related to so-called problems that could be solved by just turning something off and back on again. By the way, throughout the call, Sam Wesson absentmindedly flicks his pen on the bobbly-headed Dracula doll he's got on his desk. Nice touch. In any event, Sam Wesson's proposed solution of course works for the dimwitted caller on the other end of the line, and no sooner has he hung up the phone when his sole rebel coworker -- this guy's the only one not wearing the corporate-approved yellow polo, don't you know -- wheels his chair over to Sam to debate the various assets and liabilities associated with banging yet another colleague named "Mimi." As the rebel's being played by Jack Plotnick, and as I therefore decided to refer to the character as "Xandir P. Whifflebottom" the instant he appeared on the television screen, you'll understand when I note I find their conversation unbelievable in the extreme, so let's pretend it never happened and join the two while they break for coffee, shall we? "FASTER!" Quiet, Raoul. For first we must watch as the two invite yet another colleague of theirs along, but this "Paul" person's far too busy performing actual work to accompany them, which Xandir -- in a hushed yet gleeful aside -- attributes to Paul having been caught surfing for porn. "He got sent up to HR yesterday," Xandir giggles. "I guess they put the fear of God in him!"

Over in the break room, some jackass removes a bag of popcorn from the microwave -- seriously, the hideously offensive stench of microwaved office popcorn is truly one of the most repugnant and soul-destroying atrocities afflicting mankind today -- while Xandir raids the cabinet for free office supplies, but neither of those activities is important at the moment, for we've finally arrived at the reason they included Xandir in the episode, which is to have someone prod Sam Wesson for more information regarding the latter's apparently freakish dreams. And so, prod Xandir does, though I'd be willing to bet he'd much rather be prodding The Ginormogeek in a variety of far more entertaining ways, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about!" shrieks Raoul, all faux-appalled, and I'm trying to get to the good bits as fast as I can, my scaly fr... Oh, great. Now he's pouting. "Hmph!" Sigh.

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