...Flutter, Flutter RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, as suits his habit from time to time, I believe, before he twists around slightly on his overstuffed armchair to shoot yours truly A Look. Should I even bother to ask, my impressively fanged companion? "Yes!" Well, what, then? "That was not the elevator scene of which I spoke!" Uh, I didn't think it wa-- "FASTER!" Ow! Raoul! Volume! And you know I have to get through the oth-- "FASTER!" Oh, Jesus.
The next morning, various product recall memos and customer service sheets run through the Xerox and printers at SB&I while an unidentified office drone sharpens a No. 2 before we're flung into cubicle Hell, currently populated by The Ginormogeek and about three dozen of his tech support colleagues. "Sam Wesson" -- and do you get it? You will -- answers one of the blinking lines on his phone and, in a patient yet bored-sounding voice, asks of the caller, "Okay, well, did you try turning it off and then on?" HA! I used to work closely with the tech support guys at my last job, and quite seriously, 85% of the calls they received were related to so-called problems that could be solved by just turning something off and back on again. By the way, throughout the call, Sam Wesson absentmindedly flicks his pen on the bobbly-headed Dracula doll he's got on his desk. Nice touch. In any event, Sam Wesson's proposed solution of course works for the dimwitted caller on the other end of the line, and no sooner has he hung up the phone when his sole rebel coworker -- this guy's the only one not wearing the corporate-approved yellow polo, don't you know -- wheels his chair over to Sam to debate the various assets and liabilities associated with banging yet another colleague named "Mimi." As the rebel's being played by Jack Plotnick, and as I therefore decided to refer to the character as "Xandir P. Whifflebottom" the instant he appeared on the television screen, you'll understand when I note I find their conversation unbelievable in the extreme, so let's pretend it never happened and join the two while they break for coffee, shall we? "FASTER!" Quiet, Raoul. For first we must watch as the two invite yet another colleague of theirs along, but this "Paul" person's far too busy performing actual work to accompany them, which Xandir -- in a hushed yet gleeful aside -- attributes to Paul having been caught surfing for porn. "He got sent up to HR yesterday," Xandir giggles. "I guess they put the fear of God in him!"