Let's jump right into it, shall we? Somewhere today in the United States, Dean Winchester gasped himself awake in a cheaply knocked-together coffin (and good thing Darling Sammy slung Dean's mauled and mangled corpse into the ground with a Zippo, no? So thoughtful!) and clawed his way out of the earth to find himself standing in the midst of a copse of trees that had been flattened in visually arresting fashion by a force or forces unknown -- though, presumably, said force was whatever it was that yanked him out of Hell in the first place. So, with little better to do, Dashing And Dusty El Deano bow-leggedly stompy-clomped over to an otherwise deserted gas station to freshen his zombified ass up with some Poland Spring and porn -- as one does -- only to find himself in the middle of an apparent demonic assault when a high-pitched squealing noise shattered every single piece of glass in the joint and sent the slivers shooting straight towards his head. What was it?
To answer that question, Dean first tracks down Bobby, then Sam (neither of whom, of course, is entirely convinced Dean is who he claims to be at first) and together, they agree to tap into Bobby's personal Psychic Friends Network in an attempt to figure out what the hell is going on. Bobby's seer -- a biker chick named Pam who sports both a Ramones tee and a tramp stamp -- is more than game to get a séance going, and more's the pity for her, for the mere sight of whatever she ends up summoning sears the eyeballs right out of her skull. Ooops.
With this avenue of inquiry so blocked, Sam decides to tap into his own personal Psychic Friends Network, which ends up being comprised of Ruby and absolutely nobody else. Ruby's abandoned Katie Cassidy's body for that of Genevieve Cortese, and that's pretty much all I have to say about that at this moment, because Ruby's as useless in this episode as she ever was last season.
So it falls to Dean and Bobby to jury-rig a summoning ritual of their own, and Dean's savior? Is an angel. No, seriously -- the guy who pulled Dean out of Hell is an actual angel named Castiel, and you know what? He's dreamy! Sigh. (He's also, apparently, An Angel Of Thursday, so, you know: Oh, show. Oh, clever, clever show.) And long story short, God Himself ordered Dashing El Deano's delivery from Perdition. But why, I hear you ask, would The Big Guy Himself want to get involved in Dean's pathetic and stumpy little existence? Beats the crap out of me. I guess we'll have to wait until next week to find out.
Ah, a new season, and we all know what that means, don't we, gang? "New title cards?!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, giddily clapping his paws together in anticipatory glee. Indeed it does, my scaly friend. "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" Raoul shrieks again. I think the charming dear's still holding out hope his exploding-cadaver idea from last season's finale will finally become a reality. Rather than smashing his delightful little dreams to pieces immediately, however, let's see what the brand-new, blood-tinted ROAD SO FAR! brings us, shall we?
As the opening guitar riffs of AC/DC's deathless ode to proper automotive maintenance and -- spoiler! -- sightless women telling no lies escort THE ROAD SO FAR! towards the blackness at the back of the screen, the camera cuts to take in the mass immolation that ended last season's premiere before jumping past a very welcome bit of Tough Guy Jazz Hands from the same episode before reminding us all of the following (and yes, take notes, because all of these will be on the test later this season): Ruby The Sparkly Haired Demon, Lilith, the terms of Dean's second-season-finale deal with a sassy Crossroads Demonette, the generalized awesomeness of Our Intrepid Heroes' 1967 Chevy Impala, the wages of sin, The Stupid Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, The Knife That Can Kill Anything And Actually Does, Dashing El Deano's manly hair care techniques, the personal hygiene rituals of drippy dead pirates, the very existence of horrific small children, and any manner of other such dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell as covered by last season's episodes, including the vast horde of possessed Coloradans from "Jus In Bello," the Ed Gein wannabe from "Ghostfacers," the crocotta from "Long Distance Call," and..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" For yes, gentle readers, The Kripkeeper and his minions were thoughtful enough to include Raoul's pick for The Most Stupendously Fantabulous Televisual Moment Of The Scintillating Season Just Passed in this opening montage, and the mere sight of Determined Darling Sammy popping Psychotic Gordon's damn fool vampiric head right off his damn fool vampiric body with nothing more than a length of razor wire is still enough to fling your faithful recapper's faithful lizardly companion into tizzily ecstatic paroxysms of glee over there on his overstuffed armchair. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"