Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 3085 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys: Now On A Mission From God!

And after Our Dear Boys kick a little more demonic ass, we finally enter the bit of the montage that dredges up those horrible final moments of last season's finale, in which tricky Lilith deposed Ruby from Katie Cassidy's body to taunt and sneer at Our Intrepid Heroes for a moment before she released all the hounds of Hell upon Dashing El Deano's tantalizing ass, which all the hounds of Hell proceeded to shred into thousands of slimy and sticky strips. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" hoots Raoul, now thumping his mighty tail against the floorboards, so great is his joy at having this modern classic of American television back on our screens after so long a summer hiatus. "It's true!" Raoul breathlessly agrees. In any event (and as you'll no doubt recall, I'm sure), Lilith then turned her Super-Special Death-Ray Hand upon our hapless Ginormotron, who -- much to the neverending surprise of Lilith, himself, and the entire viewing audience in general -- ended up entirely immune to said Hand's effects, and therefore immune, logically, to anything else she and her underlings could think to sling at his remarkably broad and healthy frame in the future. Lilith fled (leaving behind a thoroughly dead Katie Cassidy in the process, natch) and Sad Sam And His Tragic Hair dripped tears and snot all over Dashing Dead Deano's rapidly cooling corpse while Dean himself shot straight down into Perdition to spend his entire summer vacation dangling from meat hooks poked through his wrists and his side and his feet while clad in little more than a pair of tattered bellbottoms, and if that weren't depressing enough, I must now tell you all to shut the fuck up for the...

...Silence, Silence NOW! The brand-new blood-tinted NOW! slinks forward through the silence until it disappears into the black, only to be replaced by six short, bursting, extreme (and extremely bloody) close-ups of Dashing El Deano's terrified eyes as those eyes' owner darts them from left to right and back again while the high-pitched howling of the damned and their tormentors -- or is it? -- erupts around his head. A seventh, lingering close-up fills the screen for an awful few seconds before Dean...

Supernatural

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