Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Call It "Just A-Drifting"

Hours later, we find Our Intrepid Heroes tippy-toeing through a remote stretch of Portland's reclaimed underground tunnel system when they quite fortuitously stumble across both a pile of solid gold trinkets and a flawlessly decorated reading alcove, within which they find an ancient volume evidently fashioned from vellum. "Little arts-and-crafty," Sam skeptically observes, "right?" Sam's obviously never met Raoul. Dean's about to unleash a witty remark of his own, I'm sure, when a series of muted cries reach their ears from Raoul's industrial-inflected day spa further down the corridor. From the sounds of it, one of Raoul's new protégées is clearly receiving her first Brazilian, but Our Oblivious Heroes mistake the gal's cries of beauty for cries of distress, so they make with the Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands for a bit with their flashlights and such until they reach the spa's reception area. "Hel-loooooooo!" shrieks Raoul by way of greeting, subtly casting an experienced eye on Dean's rather dire pore situation. "Can I interest you charming young gentlemen in an Adovia Purifying Dead Sea Mud Mask?!" And how do these heartless reprobates respond to Raoul's kind offer? By whipping out their stumpy little sword and slashing away at him with the thing, that's how! "Eeek!" shrieks Raoul, lithely twisting his sleek form away from the crude, hateful thing. Fortunately, clumsy Dean fumbles and loses the nasty blade behind one of the reception area's low-slung divans, but just as Raoul's about to ring for security to remove these ungrateful miscreants at once, Sam sneaks up behind him, wielding an ugly length of lead pipe! "Eeep!" shrieks Raoul, swiftly stepping to one side, sending The Ginormotron tumbling head over heels across the reception area's desk. "Guards!" shrieks the ill-fated lizard, quickly working himself into a most ungainly tizzy. "Where are my guards?!"

Meanwhile, Dean's spread himself flat on the floor and is now stretching with all his might to reach his stumpy sword's haft, but fortunately for your faithful recapper's usually faithful recapping companion, he at best can only brush the end of it with his fingertips. Finally -- finally -- one of Raoul's security staff arrives, and he immediately starts hustling Dean over towards the exit. Unfortunately, this gives Sam an opportunity to scramble beneath the divan for the stumpy little sword himself, and because his arms are so much longer than his brother's, he has no problem grabbing on to the thing. "Santiago!" shrieks Raoul, calling out a warning to his square-jawed underling with the arresting sea-green eyes. "Watch out for the tall one!" Alas, Raoul's warning arrives too late, for wicked, awful, evil Sam has already run the poor guy through, much to the abject horror of Raoul's new protégées, who have just now emerged from the spa proper to see what all the fuss is about. "Run!" shrieks Raoul as he braves Our Oblivious Heroes' collective menace to sling sad Santiago's grievously injured form over one of his slender yet impressively strong shoulders. "Run for your lives! They're insane!" And with that, a deeply frazzled Raoul flaps off into the next METAL TEETH CHOMP!, no doubt wondering what on earth Our Intrepid Idiots have against elegance and glamour.

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