Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 3 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Call It "Just A-Drifting"

Days later, we join Sam and Dean back at Bobby's Emporium deep within the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota just as they hurl themselves into another lengthy and tedious conversation, the upshot of all which is this: Sam, obviously, knows about the whole reensouling thing, and he apologizes profusely for all the horrible things he's done over the last year and a half. Dean reacts angrily, as is his wont, and loudly reminds his brother that what Sam still doesn't remember might well kill him, and he orders Sam to stop prying around inside his own brain for further information, reminding Sam that he's not really responsible for anything, as Soulless Sammy wasn't the same person. Or something like that. You get the gist, I'm sure, and I'll be damned straight down into The Cage to suffer for all eternity with that hapless bastard of a half-brother of theirs before I go back to listen to this crap again. Thankfully, Bobby arrives at this moment with some spectacularly bad news, thereby cutting this wanky angstfest of theirs short, so it's back to...

...the Emporium interior, where Bobby's been analyzing that vellum-bound book the boys found near the entrance to Raoul's spa. As far as Bobby can tell, the thing "dates back to the fourteenth century," and furthermore, it's not fashioned from vellum at all, but rather from "human skin." Knowing Raoul, it's probably made from the flaps left over from Joan Rivers' first facelift. In any event, the script is some sort of forgotten variant of Latin that would take Bobby the better part of his dotage to translate, but he did manage to make it through the first page, which "describes this place like the back side of your worst nightmares," "all blood and bone and darkness, filled with the bodies and souls of all things hungry, sharp, and nasty." So...Milwaukee?

Meanwhile, Raoul -- ever the trouper -- has returned to his now somewhat disheveled spa to continue with his new protégées treatments, and he and his assistant Massimiliano (he'd be the one with the square jaw and the arresting Egyptian blue eyes) escort one of the most tragic of the tragic brunettes over to a special room in the back.

Back in The Emporium, Bobby clarifies that the passage isn't referring to Milwaukee at all, but rather to -- wait for it -- Purgatory. The book itself is actually an "instruction manual" for opening a portal into the place, but the one relevant page is missing. DUN!

"My dear!" shrieks Raoul as he and Massimiliano lead the most tragic of the tragic brunettes towards that mysterious special room. "Once we're done with you, you simply won't recognize yourself! You'll be an entirely new woman!" With that, he flings open the doors to reveal...well, it actually just looks like a regular old mud bath to me, but what the hell do I know, right? Maybe it's especially nourishing mud, or something like that. "Beauty, my pretty!" Raoul shrieks again as Massimiliano firmly yet gently assists the most tragic of the tragic brunettes into the tub. "Beauty!"

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Supernatural

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