Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 3 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Call It "Just A-Drifting"

...the nighttime campus of St. Mary's Center For Catholic Studies, where we find a trio of tragic thirtysomethings strolling across the grounds clad in matching uniforms made up of pleated schoolgirl miniskirts, white knee-high socks, and black Mary Janes, and I suddenly realize that Raoul must be abducting losers like Penny during this episode because each and every one of them is in desperate need of a makeover. And sure enough, the instant the eldest of the thirtysomethings peels away from her friends to continue on through the darkness alone, a great, languid flapping of impeccably groomed wings erupts above her head. "Hel-loooooooo!" Raoul shrieks down at the unfortunate fashion mishap currently littering the ground. "Fear not!" he shrieks again. "For I bring you tidings of great joy! Including -- but not, of course, limited to -- a wonderfully soothing facial, manicure, and pedicure package; a thorough full-body exfoliation; an invigorating hot-oil treatment for what I'm sure are those lovely locks of yours; and a brand-new wardrobe, all for free! Now, I simply must ask you: What woman in your perilous situation could resist?! Delight, my pretty! Delight in your one-hundred-percent complimentary Day Of Cleansing Beauty!" The screechy little wretch on the ground, for whatever featherbrained reason, screams her damn fool head off at poor Raoul's nobly magnanimous offer, and she streaks off across St. Mary's carefully tended lawns until the little idiot wrenches her ankle and splats face-first into the dirt. "Mercy me!" shrieks Raoul, flapping down immediately to render his assistance. "Have you injured yourself, my darling!?" By way of response, the ungrateful hag unhinges her lower jaw and howls all the way into this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP! Moron. And so rude, too!

The next morning, the LYING LIARS WHO LIE have once again donned their FBI drag to invade the local hospital, in which they find none other than that ungrateful little hag from the previous scene. I suppose she tested poor Raoul's patience past the point of his endurance, and he simply abandoned her wretched ass right there on St. Mary's campus. Dimwitted fool. The hag, I mean, not Raoul. In any event, this "Melissa" person is now propped up on a bed, and she unleashes a torrent of bald-faced falsehoods regarding your faithful recapper's usually faithful recapping companion, to the point where I simply can't bear to listen to her. She claims, among other things, that Raoul is a big fat pig, and she also insists he gouged deep gashes into her back while she was lying there on the ground! Can you imagine? Raoul, ruining his exquisite manicure like that? It's preposterous. Oh, and then she tells them Raoul stole her tacky little gold-plated Promise Ring. Unbelievable! After all, we all know Raoul has no use for such shoddy, dime-store trinkets as that. Unfortunately, Our Intrepid Heroes seem to be buying it, probably because they think Melissa's a virgin, but it turns out she's even lying about that, too! God! Are we done, here? Good, because I can't take any more of her crap. Next!

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP