In news of primary importance to this season's overarching storyline, Capital-D Death did indeed succeed in shoving Darling Sammy's wayward soul back into Our Dear Boy's remarkably broad-shouldered and healthy body, but of course, there are a couple of catches. Remember that Cone Of Silence Death set up around Sam's soul so said soul wouldn't send Darling Sammy screaming for the nearest insane asylum at the first available opportunity? Turns out the thing's also blocking all memories of everything that's transpired since last season's finale, so Sam doesn't remember anything after he cracked out and let Lucifer invade his impressive frame all those many months ago. So, you know, everybody else has to tiptoe around him lest they inadvertently trigger a vision of something that'll shatter The Cone Of Silence into a thousand bitty pieces, and as that whole approach promised to get real tedious, real fast, it's quite fortunate that Super-Smart Sammy figures out the mind-wipe all on his own, and he convinces Dreary El Deano and Bobby that everything's kosher, even though he's slowly beginning to comprehend every dastardly deed his far-more-interesting unensoulled self committed since returning from Hell.
The other catch? Nothing new: Castiel confirms that Sam's soul has indeed been flayed whilst down in The Cage with Lucifer, Michael, and that hapless bastard of a half-brother of his that nobody cares about anymore. Pity.
Meanwhile, in news of primary importance to tonight's episode, several unfortunately attired virgins have gone missing from that notorious hotbed of Christian fundamentalism known as Portland, Oregon, so Our Intrepid Heroes motor on over from Bobby's Emporium deep within the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota to investigate. Seems a dragon -- and no, I'm not kidding with that -- has been absconding with the misguided misses in hopes of using one of them to summon The Mother Of All Monsters from the pits of Purgatory, after which they'll all, um, paint each other's nails and talk about how stupid boys are while watching the Every Degrassi Ever marathon on TeenNick. I'm guessing. The sly dragon naturally succeeds -- mainly because Our Intrepid Idiots can't seem to do anything right anymore -- and we end the episode already dreading the screeching fangirl backlash to this show's newest female cast member.
Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter ROAD SO FAR! And my, but this lengthy sequence certainly is comprehensive, isn't it? Shortly after Aerosmith's "Back In The Saddle" kicks in on the soundtrack, we whip through a recounting of every single major plot point from the first half of the season, from Secretly Psychotic Sammy's stealthy reentrance into Dreary El Deano's life way back during the boring premiere all the way through to Capital-D Death's rather indelicate resouling of said psycho in the last episode to air before the winter hiatus. In between those two events, we touch on -- among various other asinine things like fairies that I'm totally not going to mention, except for the part where I totally just did -- Bendy Lisa kicking Dreary El Deano's mopey yet still-tantalizing ass out of her house for good, Crowley ordering a moderately successful hunt for Alphas before getting his delightfully snarky self immolated by My Sweet Baboo, the temporarily restrained Alpha Vampire cryptically noting that "we all have our mothers," and the existence of Purgatory, to which, apparently, all those nasty little beasties that go bump in the night descend after Our Intrepid Heroes run them through industrial-sized woodchippers and such. Oh, and there's that whole thing about how Darling Sammy's flayed soul will send him screaming to the nuthouse should anyone dare reinsert it into his remarkably healthy and broad-shouldered frame, but I'm assuming you're all as sick of that crap as I am, so let's jump ahead to take in the...
...Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW!, shall we? Thunder rumbles beneath as the NOW! makes its mincing way towards the front of the screen, and just as the shot cuts over to an extreme close-up of an obviously imperiled brunette's anxiety-ridden face, lightning strikes, the better to blind us all with the reflected flash blazing forth from her heavily glossed lips. We're then treated to an absolutely abysmal CGI rendering of a single-prop airplane wobbling through what's meant to be a roiling and raging nighttime storm until the camera finally slides back inside the cockpit, where the anxiously glossed brunette's pilot and apparent paramour too-calmly asks, "How ya doin'?" "Great!" the anxiously glossed brunette sarcastically snaps back. "Penny," her apparent paramour smoothly coos, thereby gifting the anxiously glossed brunette with her proper character name for this evening's festivities, "it's gonna be okay -- you know, a lot more people died in the shower." Several of them on this very show, if memory serves, though I should probably avoid referencing appalling past episodes when I've got an appalling present episode to slog through, yes?